Days of Shadow
by Swordmaiden007
Summary: When Yahiko shows up after a year of wandering, grief is cast over the Kamiya dojo. Kenshin now faces one of the hardest decisions of his life. He has tried to be forgiven of his sins, but can he himself ever learn to forgive another?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All Rurouni Kenshin characters are the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki. I'm just borrowing them for a while for my own amusement. This includes beating Kenshin up, making Kaoru cry, and other such fun things.

Chapter 1-

Kaoru pressed her hand lightly against her stomach, smiling to herself, letting the soup ladle dangle over the pot of miso soup in front of her. She looked up towards the window, watching as her husband sat in the courtyard, finishing the day's laundry. His eyes were soft and content as he followed the movements of his hands, folding the white sheets. She could hear him humming softly to himself as he worked. Her smile grew wider and she looked down at the pot, stirring the bubbling soup slowly, watching the chunks of tofu swirl lazily in it.

The days were becoming more like these. Quiet, simple, happy, the two of them sharing the pure joy of each other's friendship in their marriage. She laughed quietly to herself as she remembered the first days of married life, living together at the dojo, just as they had before, but now as a husband and wife. Perhaps they had been a little bit lovesick, still feeling the elation of newlyweds. Her cheeks had ached from smiling so much and Kenshin's eyes always seemed to drift her direction, even if he had been speaking to someone else. This had drawn ceaseless teasing from their friends, and a sense of satisfaction for Tae-san.

"I knew that one day you two would come to your senses and just marry each other," she told Kaoru at the Akubeku, her eyes twinkling. "And I don't pretend to not give myself any credit for it."

So, a year passed by in serenity, with Kaoru teaching students regularly, Kenshin helping around the dojo like he always had before. It seemed that their adventure days were coming to a close.

Again, she paused, closing her eyes as she touched her abdomen, her heart fluttering in sweet anticipation. This would be a new kind of adventure.

Her eyes still closed, she giggled to herself.

And a wonderful anniversary present for her beloved rurouni.

"Kaoru."

She jumped, startled, hot miso soup dribbling from her mouth and down her kimono. She whirled around, pointing the ladle at Kenshin angrily. "Look what you made me do!"

He grinned at her, balancing the large basket of folded laundry against his chest.

"This one was just making sure you didn't eat it all."

She smacked his bottom with the ladle as he turned to walk out of the kitchen.

"Oro?" It was his turn to be startled. He turned his head, his violet eyes dumbfounded.

"No more of 'this one', Kenshin," she reminded him, shaking the spoon under his nose. She smiled brightly. "Though I do like to hear an "oro?" once in a while."

Planting a kiss on his cheek, she turned back to her the soup, again lifting the ladle to her lips, feeling smug satisfaction. Her cooking was improving, that much was certain. Even Sano had grudgingly admitted it the last time he ate with them.

"You should have married Kenshin earlier," he had said, slurping up noodles with his chopsticks. "It would have easier on my stomach."

And she was sure that now Yahiko wouldn't be able to deny that her ohagi was as good as Megumi's.

_Yahiko._

The thought of her former student made her heart ache for a moment. Had it been almost a year since he left the dojo? Leaning back against the wall, she calculated the days in her mind. Yes, he had left two months after she and Kenshin had married. She grimaced, remembering his teasing. It had been the worst and the most embarrassing, especially since he lived with them. He had watched them endlessly, his eyes glinting mischievously, always ready with a comment.

"_Hey, Kaoru, Kenshin had to make your bed this morning. But I guess that's okay, because it's his bed too!" _

"_Kenshin, why don't you just go ahead and kiss her? You know you want to."_

"_Can't you guys go somewhere else to stare at each other like that? It's distracting me in my bokken practice."_

For all of his teasing, it was obvious that Yahiko now felt out of place at the dojo. He worked longer hours at the Akubeku, spent more time with Sanosuke, and began visiting other dojos more often. He often avoided being alone with them, always finding an excuse to leave.

Kaoru hardly noticed his absence until Kenshin pointed it out to her one evening as they sat in the courtyard, watching the dwindling light.

"Yahiko is restless, that he is," he had said quietly as she leaned against him, her head resting on his shoulder. "He doesn't feel like a part of us anymore."

Kaoru sat up and looked at him, the coolness of the night touching her warm cheek. "What do you mean?"

"Things are different, Kaoru," he said, looking into down into her face. "It's not like it used to be."

"No more Kenshin-gumi," Kaoru said with a smile.

He grinned slightly. "No. Those days are over." He took her hand and kissed it lightly. "We're married and Yahiko is left with something I don't think he expected."

"That's ridiculous," she snorted. "We're still the same people we were before."

"No, Kaoru, we're not," he corrected her gently. "We are one, while Yahiko is left on the outside, alone. And I don't think he knows what to do with himself now."

He was quiet for a few moments as he looked towards the sky, his violet eyes thoughtful. "He needs to wander."

Kaoru stared at him in surprise. "What?"

He turned his gaze back to hers. "Yahiko needs to find out who he really is. He has never truly known."

She shook her head. "If you asked him, he would just say that he's a Tokyo Samurai."

"Merely a title to give him a shred of identity to grasp at. After his life as a pickpocket, we were the only life he had. Now, even that life is gone." Kenshin again looked up at the sky. "It's time for Yahiko to find out who he truly is. And I have a feeling he isn't going to find it here."

"So he should wander? Become a rurouni?" She nudged at him. "A lot of good it did _you_."

He nudged her back. "You forget that it's because of wandering that I came here in the first place, that you do."

They were quiet as the dojo doors opened. Yahiko stopped when he saw them.

"Good evening, Yahiko," Kenshin said as the young man reluctantly shut the doors behind him.

Kaoru watched as Yahiko stood in front of them, his hands folded behind his back, his eyes looking at the ground. She was reminded of times past when he wanted to say something, but felt like he couldn't say it.

Yahiko lifted his eyes. "I'm leaving tomorrow."

Koaru looked at him in surprise, then glanced at Kenshin. His face was calm, as if he knew it had been coming.

Looking back at the ground, Yahiko shifted his feet. "I…it's not like I…don't…" He sighed impatiently. "I just need travel for a while. See a few things. Meet some new people. But…I'll be back."

"Where are you going?" Kenshin asked quietly, obviously sensing the boy's discomfort.

"I…I'm not sure. Maybe Nagasaki. I'll stop by Kyoto too." Again, he flickered his eyes upward at them. "You…you aren't angry?" He looked at Kaoru, pleading in his eyes.

She looked at him for a moment, but recovered her voice. "No. No, I'm not."

He looked relieved and he laughed breathily. "I was worried that you might have hit me or something."

"Well, I still might if you don't come back to finish your training."

"Oh, I'm coming back for that," he said earnestly. "It's not like I'm leaving forever. I'll be back."

"When you have found what you're looking for?" Kenshin asked.

Yahiko looked at Kenshin, his face hopeful and determined. "Yes. When I have found what I'm looking for."

True to his word, Yahiko left the next day, with nothing but a sack of supplies and his ever-present bokken strapped to his back. As he stood at the doors of the dojo, Kaoru was surprised at the tears that were threatening her eyes. She couldn't help but hug him before he turned to walk down the road. He stood stiffly, as if embarrassed, one arm awkwardly pressing against her back.

"Remember, you promised to come back," she said, holding him at arms length. "You have to finish your training or I'll track you down and pummel you myself."

He grinned at her, the challenge bright in his eyes. "I'd like to see you try."

She gave him a playful shove, smiling through the sheen of tears. "Farewell, Yahiko."

He turned to Kenshin, who smiled and put his hand on his shoulder. "Farewell, Yahiko. Safe travel on the road."

He blinked at both of them, as if realizing that he was truly leaving. Taking a deep breath, he straightened his shoulders, his eyes downcast as he seemed to struggle for words.

"Thank you," he said finally, meeting their gazes "For everything. I don't…" He paused. "I don't know what I would have done with you," he finished in a quiet voice.

All three of them were silent for a moment. Kaoru took her husband's hand and brushed away the remaining tears from her eyes, doing her best to be tough in front of her student. Yahiko merely smiled softly at her, genuine fondness in his eyes.

"Good-bye, busu."

"Good-bye," she whispered.

Slowly taking one last look at the dojo, he turned and walked down the path, his steps wide and purposeful. Not once did he look back.

"He's almost seems too young to be wandering so far," Kaoru sighed as she watched him disappear into the distance.

"I was fourteen when I left Master Hiko and came to Kyoto," Kenshin said, his eyes towards the road. "Yahiko will do well, that he will."

"I hope he comes back."

"He will. He made a promise." Kenshin smiled down at her. "And there is

Tsubame to come back to of course."

At the mention of Yahiko's sweetheart, Kaoru felt a twinge of sympathy for the young shy girl. She would probably feel Yahiko's absence the keenest.

And she had. Kaoru frowned as she ladled miso soup into bowls. It had been almost a year, and still no word from Yahiko. It was breaking poor Tsubame's heart. She eventually had stopped asking Kaoru about it, but every time she saw her, Kaoru saw the hopefulness in her eyes. And every time Kaoru had to disappoint her.

"Well," Kaoru huffed as she set the bowls on the table in the dining room. "He had better come back soon. He doesn't know what he's missing."

Tsubame had truly blossomed in the last year. The girlish face had transformed into the sculpted features of a pretty young woman. She moved with grace, and she turned heads now wherever she went. Not that she noticed. Her innocence and quiet loyalty to Yahiko was steadfast.

"If only the jerk would come back." Kaoru paused as she placed the chopsticks on the table. "Even I miss the little brat."

"A jerk? A brat?" Kenshin asked as he came into the dining room. "Have you been talking about me again?"

She chuckled to herself as he sat at the table, smiling. How calm his eyes looked. Calm and content.

"You just made a joke," Kaoru said as she sat with him. "This is amazing."

He looked at her quizzically. "Haven't I always made jokes?"

She rolled her eyes. "Are you kidding? You were always the one to laugh last."

Shrugging his shoulders, he looked down into his soup. "It is so strange," he said quietly. "I have changed…so much. Being married to you, I-" He looked up and Kaoru was surprised to see the sheen of tears in his violet eyes. "I think I have finally begun to heal."

Kaoru leaned over the table and put her hand over his, their eyes searching each other's in silence for a long moment.

"Kenshin no baka," she said quietly, a gentle smile on her face.

He smiled back at her, seeming to savor that familiar, somehow endearing phrase.

Kaoru passed the kitchen, eyeing Kenshin as he dried the last bowl with a hand towel. Again, she felt her stomach clench in happy anticipation and she bit her bottom lip in fear of laughing. To see the surprised look on his face tomorrow…

"I know you're there, Kaoru." He turned his head and looked over his shoulder, his eyes smiling. "You come _just_ as I have finished washing the dishes. You are very sneaky, that you are."

She laughed aloud now, stepping into the kitchen. "I can't believe this. That was the second joke you've made this evening. Are you feeling all right?" She mockingly pressed the back of her hand against his forehead.

He laughed as well, softly, as he reached up and touched her hand with his fingers, still damp from washing dishes. "Perhaps I am just happy."

"That's possible," she murmured.

He leaned close, his eyes dancing. "Tomorrow…" he said. He paused.

"Tomorrow?" she urged, her eyebrows arched.

He looked away and turned back to the washbasin.

"What?" she asked.

He glanced at her mischievously, but said nothing.

"Kenshin!" she punched him lightly in the arm. "What are you hiding?"

His face broke into a grin. "You will have to wait and see, that you will."

Kaoru resisted the urge to touch her abdomen as she turned and walked out of the kitchen, her face flushed with her happy secret.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Kaoru woke up with a start. Blinking in the darkness, she reached out her arm. Her hand only touched warm sheets. Sitting up quickly, she saw him as he stood by the shoji door, peering out into the courtyard.

"What's going on?" she asked, her voice husky with sleep.

"I heard something," he said, not looking at her.

"What was it?"

"A noise by the doors."

Kaoru got up and stood behind him, peeking in the dark courtyard. All was silent. Then, she heard it. A knock.

She looked up and met Kenshin's eyes. "Who do you think that it is?"

Kenshin looked back at the courtyard, staring at the doors, looking hesitant. He stepped onto the wooden platform. "I will go see who it is."

Kaoru watched as Kenshin strode across the courtyard and went to the large courtyard doors. Instinctively, her hand went to her stomach as she watched her husband slowly open the door, her mind suddenly racing with a thousand thought at once, and old fears suddenly gripped her heart. What new trouble had arrived to disturb their peaceful life?

She jumped, startled, when she heard his voice exclaim something she couldn't discern. Kenshin opened the door wider and a tall, lean shadow stepped quickly into the courtyard. As Kaoru peered in the dim light, her heart nearly stopped.

Yahiko.

Even in the darkness, she knew it was him. With a gasp, she ran down the steps and across the courtyard.

"Our wandering friend has returned," Kenshin said with a grin as she came up beside him.

"Hello, busu."

Kaoru stared up at Yahiko open-mouthed. Her old student stood towering over her, that familiar mischievous grin on his face. And that deep voice!

"Yahiko, I could just beat you for getting taller than me!" she cried as she threw her arms around him. "Welcome back!"

Yahiko seemed to stiffen under her embrace, and he kept his arms at his side, yet his voice was playful. "Did you miss me or something?"

Stepping back, Kaoru felt foolish for the tears that gathered in her eyes as she smiled at him. "Well, of course, baka. My first and most disrespectful student."

"It has been too quiet around here, that it has," Kenshin laughed. "Welcome home, Yahiko."

Kaoru couldn't help but stare at Yahiko as he eagerly shoved rice into his mouth with his chopsticks, barely pausing to take a breath. The scrawny pickpocket she had met years ago had matured into a strong young man. His shoulders had thickened out with muscle and his stubborn jaw now bore the shadows of facial hair. His brown eyes still bore that rebellious glint, however, as he turned to Kaoru.

"What is it?" he asked with a wry grin. "Not recognize your own student?"

Kaoru rolled her eyes.

"Yahiko, no matter how much taller you get than me, no matter how deep your voice becomes, I'm still your teacher, and don't you forget it," she said, pointing her finger at him.

Yahiko stuck out his tongue before returning to his rice bowl.

Laughing, Kenshin lowered her hand. "Now, now, you two, let's not draw blood on Yahiko's first night back, though I am sure that Megumi-dono would be happy to see you."

"And Tsubame, as well," Kaoru interjected. "She has asked a lot about you since you left."

Yahiko paused. "She has?" he asked. But his face seemed more troubled than pleased. "Oh."

Kaoru watched as he looked down at his bow of rice, toying with his chopsticks thoughtfully.

"It's kind of strange…" he said slowly. "I've been gone for a two years…I've missed out on everyone's life…and they've missed out on mine."

"Then tell us, Yahiko." Kenshin's smile was encouraging as Yahiko looked up to meet his gaze. "What has happened in your life that we have missed?"

Setting down his bowl, Yahiko's face became grim and hard. Kaoru noticed the tension in his body, as if he had almost dreaded the question.

"I have…changed a lot," he said, looking down at his fists that lay clenched in his lap. "I have had a long time…to think…and to make some decisions."

Kenshin nodded. "Wandering causes you to be thoughtful." He paused. "Did you find any answers that you had been searching for?"

_Answers? _Kaoru glanced at Kenshin questioningly. He didn't return her gaze as he looked at Yahiko's intense face.

"I did." His voice was low. "I came to realize something."

"And what was that?" Kenshin gently urged.

Yahiko looked up sharply, his teeth clenched. "That you were _wrong_!"

His shout rang through the dojo. Kenshin looked taken aback, his mouth parted in surprise. Kaoru stared at Yahiko, shocked at the fierce anger burning in his brown eyes.

"What are you talking about, Yahiko?" Kaoru stammered.

"You were all wrong, Kaoru," he snapped. "Swords that give life…the enlightened Meiji government…feh." He spat on the floor contemptuously. "All lies, all foolishness."

Kaoru opened her mouth to speak, but Kenshin's calm voice stopped her.

"Why do you feel this way?" he asked, his face still.

"And you," Yahiko sneered, leaning forward on the table. "You and your weak sakabatou, your meaningless vow! All these years I stupidly looked up to you, wanting to be like you in every way. Now I have come to realize that I had always been admiring a pathetic fool!"

The room was silent except for the sound of Yahiko's heavy breathing. Kaoru could only stare at him with wide eyes, stunned, her astonishment growing with each passing moment. She glanced at her husband, but his expression was only one of bewilderment.

Yahiko looked squarely at them, his jaw jutting defiantly. "Kenshin, you always spoke about fighting to help people, yet you supported the Meiji government, fighting to establish it in the Bakumatsu." He pointed an accusatory finger. "Yet _you_ are the hypocrite! You support a government that does nothing but lie and steal from people. You have yet begun to repent for the crimes you committed! You dishonor the memory of Tomoe by now supported the cause that killed her!"

Kenshin was silent, but his face betrayed the sudden pain at Yahiko's harsh words.

"Stop it!" Kaoru screamed. "Stop it, Yahiko! Don't you dare say that about Kenshin."

His gaze turned to her, his eyes sparking all the more. "I have wasted so much of my life, believing in all of these falsehoods, dedicating my life to the Kamiya Kasshin-ryu. But now I have found the truth. Kasshin-ryu is nothing but weakness and I was nothing but a gullible child to have believed in such a fantasy."

"Yahiko." Kenshin's voice was firm. "You may say whatever you wish about me, but you will not speak against Kaoru or the Kamiya Kasshin-ryu in such a way."

Kenshin placed his hand over hers under the table and she gripped it tightly, fighting to calm her pounding heart.

"Kaoru," he said, turning to face her. "Perhaps it would be best if you let Yahiko and I talk alone."

She looked at his serious eyes, then nodded. Wordlessly, she stood and walked out the door, quietly sliding it behind her, shutting out the dining room's yellow light. With trembling fingers, she rubbed away the angry and confused tears that suddenly slid down her cheeks, but that didn't stop their flow.

_How dare Yahiko come here to accuse us! After all I have ever done for him, teaching him, giving a place to live! And calling Kenshin a fool! How dare he?_

Suddenly, her anger flooded into immense sorrow as she recalled those early days of teaching Yahiko, watching him become stronger and more confident, all of those battles he had fought…

She let a sob as she leaned against the wall, covering her eyes with her hand. As much as she wanted to push his emotional words aside, they still hurt.

Kenshin felt relieved as he heard Kaoru's soft footsteps go down the hall. As he looked at Yahiko's dark face, he knew that more ugly words were going to be thrown.

Yahiko didn't look at him, only stared at the table, playing with a grain of rice in his fingers.

"Yahiko," Kenshin began quietly. "Tell me what is troubling you."

The boy was sullen, not answering. After a few moments, he sighed deeply, his proud shoulders slumping. His eyes were suddenly remorseful as he met his gaze.

"I'm sorry, Kenshin," he said. "I shouldn't have said those things out loud. Especially to Koaru." He stirred restlessly on the cushion seat. "I just…let my feelings get out of control."

"But where did these feelings come from?" Kenshin asked, leaning forward. "You never felt this way before you left the Kamiya dojo, did you?"

The boy was silent, looking down again at the table.

"Yahiko, who told you these things?"

Yahiko's head came up abruptly. "Don't ask me that. I came to these conclusions myself."

"You were not influenced by anyone? No one discussed these things with you?"

"What are you trying to say? That I'm weak for having changed by beliefs?"

"I never said that."

"But that's what you think!"

"I believe that that is what _you _think about yourself."

"There you go again!" Yahiko said, pounding his fist on the tabletop. "Always bringing the argument against your opponent to corner them!"

Kenshin took a deep breath. "Yahiko, what have I ever done to deceive you? Or to bring you to harm? Tell me and I will do my best to repent."

Yahiko looked away, wincing, and for a moment transformed into the vulnerable young man that Kenshin knew so well.

"Tell me," Kenshin urged.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore," Yahiko said quickly, standing to his feet. "Forget I said anything."

"It won't be as easy as that, that it won't." Kenshin stood slowly. "There were harsh words spoken, words that honestly surprised me and that hurt Kaoru."

"Yeah, well…" Yahiko shrugged awkwardly. "I'll apologize."

Without waiting for a reply, he turned and slid the door open. Kenshin saw him pause when he caught sight of Kaoru's slight form leaning against wall down the hallway, her hands covering her face.

Kenshin watched him walk down the hall towards his old bedroom. He hesitated when he touched the latch, and looked towards Kenshin, his face questioning, guilty.

Kenshin sighed softly and nodded. Yahiko hurriedly ducked into the room, closing the door with a louder bang than he probably had intended.

Kaoru's head jerked up at the sound, her face anxious and tear-stained as she looked at Kenshin.

Stepping quietly into the courtyard, he came beside her and enveloped her into a strong embrace. She buried her head in his chest as he felt her body shake with quiet sobs. Stroking her hair with his hand, he laid his cheek against her head.

"I'm sorry," Kaoru whispered, breaking away from his arms. She scrubbed her wet face with the back of her hand.

"Don't be," he murmured, cupping her chin in his hand, wiping the remaining tears from her cheeks. "Tomorrow is a special day." He smiled. "Don't think that I could have forgotten so soon."

Kaoru smiled back at him in the dim light that came from the open dining room, but her were troubled as she glanced towards Yahiko's bedroom.

"Don't worry about Yahiko," he said, taking her hands in his. "Tomorrow is our day. No one can ruin it for us."


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's note: I messed up. In the last chapter, Yahiko said he had been gone for two years. He has actually only been gone for one. Sorry for the blooper:)_

_Also, I will try to update as often as I can, but with school starting, I'm going to be REALLY busy. Writing is my recreational time, though, so…we'll see what happens._

Chapter 3-

Yahiko lay on his futon in the darkness, listening to the soft voices of Kenshin and Kaoru as they returned to bed.

Resting his head on his hands, he looked about the familiar room, remembering. Remember how many times he had scrubbed those floors, remembering how he would sneak food from the kitchen as a midnight snack, remembering how he would secretly try and imitate Kenshin's Ryu-Suyitsen with his bokken.

At that thought, Yahiko felt a pang of guilt. He shouldn't have said those things to them, especially after just showing up in the middle of the night. It wasn't fair to them. They couldn't know why he had changed while he wandered. They couldn't understand what he felt so strongly. The look on Kaoru's face…

Stubbornly brushing the memory aside, he turned on his side and stared at the wall. The dojo was completely silent now.

He stood and quietly opened the shoji door. Judging by the moon, he still had two hours left until midnight. Restlessness seemed to gnaw him as he noiselessly paced the room. He paused as his gaze alighted on a small stain in the corner.

Grinning to himself, he knelt down next to it. He remembered that stain. Kaoru had been furious when she had caught him secretly sipping sake. He had been so startled by her entrance that he had spilled the alcohol on the floor, making Kaoru even more angry.

His smile faded and was replaced by a grimace as a pain stabbed across his forehead. He looked towards the opened door, willing the moon to move faster across the sky.

There was a reason why he wanted time to pass quickly. He hadn't had had a drink in two days now, and he was already beginning to feel the effects. No doubt that was why he had lost his temper so quickly that evening.

Straightening, he let out a long breath. He had never meant to become so addicted, but Katsu had always insisted on the liquor being served. It loosened the mind, he had said.

At the thought of Katsu, Yahiko felt his stomach clench in anticipation. Tonight was the night. It was the night that Katsu would decide who had proved himself worthy enough.

Turning to his pack that lay on the floor, he reverently unwrapped something he hadn't dare show Kenshin or Kaoru. It lay glistening in the pale moonlight, a curved serpent of steel, sharpened to kill.

Even as he gazed at it, a thrill went through his heart. This was true weaponry. The katana's deadly potential filled him with a sense of power every time he held it in his hands.

_Indeed._ Yahiko thought as he strapped the sword to his waist._ Power is everything. I know that now._

0-0-0

As Yahiko stalked through the dark streets, he knew that he was in trouble. His breathing was coming heavily and his hands trembled with the thought of drink. Nausea raged in his insides as he quickened his pace. How had he become so addicted? He thought that he had been better than that, a slave to nothing and no one.

Shame and anger prodded at him as he paused in front of his destination, a squat house in a nondescript neighborhood of Tokyo. He had to break his reliance on alcohol, starting tonight.

Grim with determination, Yahiko tapped lightly on the door three times. A pause, then twice more.

The door lid open slightly, and in the moonlight, Yahiko saw the gleam of two eyes peering at him.

"The rain brings death," a voice rasped.

"And Everlasting Thunder," Yahiko replied in a low voice.

The speaker hesitated. "You're late."

Yahiko impatiently wiped the cold perspiration that was forming on his forehead. "I got lost," he growled. "Katsu never-"

"Shut up!" the voice snapped, opening the door wide enough to let him enter. "No real names, remember?"

"Sorry," Yahiko muttered as he crossed the threshold.

"They're meeting in the back room," the voice whispered. Yahiko squinted in the near complete darkness, trying to make out the speaker's features. He didn't recognize the voice from any other of the meetings, and he didn't trust the low chuckle that broke through the dark.

"No need to be suspicious," the voice said. "If Ikazuchi-sama trusts me, that should be good enough for you."

Grinding his teeth at the quiet laughter that followed him down the hall, Yahiko navigated his way towards the lighted room.

0-0-0

In the silent streets of Tokyo, a dark figure paused in front the house he had seen Yahiko enter, quickly surveying his options. Quietly, he circled to the back of the house, his ears straining to pick up any sounds of speech from within.

There. He paused when he heard the soft murmurs of conversation. Crouching towards the ground, he pressed his ear against the wall. If he listened close enough, he would be able to hear what they were saying.

0-0-0

As he slowly slid the door open, Yahiko saw that the meeting had already begun. A group of a dozen young men sat in a circle, a single lantern placed in the center that shed dancing yellow light on their features. His face flushed with embarrassment as he felt everyone's eyes on him.

"You're late, Yahiko-kun."

Yahiko looked up and met Katsu's serious gaze. The dark hair that hung about his face shadowed his eyes, but the boring stare from them was unmistakable. Sitting in the only chair in the room, Katsu imposed an air of authority, despite his boyish looks.

"My apologies, Ikazuchi-sama," Yahiko said, bowing slightly.

"You are forgiven. Please take a seat by me." There was a smile in Katsu's voice, his tone immediately cheery as Yahiko went to his side and sat down. "No doubt you were detained at the rurouni's dojo."

Yahiko couldn't hide his surprise as light snickers rippled across the room. "But how did-"

"I keep a close eye on my followers," Katsu interrupted smoothly, a benevolent grin still on his face. "And you proved yourself steadfast in the face of your old beliefs."

Yahiko's heart flipped in pleasure as shame seemed to slap him in the face. He sat up straighter, forcing himself to look expectant despite the pain coursing through his head.

"It took a lot of convincing when you first came to us." Katsu's mocking tone made Yahiko flush at the memory. "You said that you followed…" He paused, cocking his head. "What was it again?"

"Kamiya Kasshin -ryu," Yahiko said quietly.

"Yes! That was it!" Katsu barked out a derisive laugh. "And taught by a girl what's more!"

The whole group laughed with their leader. Yahiko looked down at the floor, his cheeks still hot.

"I remember that you challenged me to a duel," Katus went on. "A bokken against a katana!"

One of the young men in the circle laughed especially loud. Yahiko glared at him fiercely, recognizing him as a regular attendee of Katsu's meetings. Tekagami considered himself a favorite of Katu's.

"I beat you in three moves. Your shock was most amusing." Katsu shook his head. "And now…you're one of us."

Slowly, he picked up a jug of sake that sat near him and poured it into a cup. His eyes narrowed in seriousness as he offered it to Yahiko.

"Please drink to your success this night, Yahiko," Katsu said. "We have an important mission to discuss."

Staring at the cup, Yahiko tried to hide his eagerness, but he could not control the shaking fingers that greedily snatched the sake cup. He knew that he had decided quit, but Katsu himself had handed him the drink…

Katsu breathed a laugh as Yahiko drank the sake in one quick gulp.

"Careful, my friend," he said as he poured more sake into Yahiko's outstretched cup. "Not too fast. I need you to listen very closely tonight."

Katsu turned his gaze towards the other young men gathered. Yahiko noticed that most of them had empty sake cups near them, as well as several jugs of the alcohol. They all looked towards Katsu eagerly. Some glanced at Yahiko with jealousy. He smirked when he caught Takagami's eye. All mocking laughter had left his smug face.

"We have come to our goal." Katsu's voice, quiet and commanding, captivated every ear. "We fight…to take back what our fathers so foolishly lost." His eyes snapped with an angry fire. "For too long have we squandered under this government's rule! For too long have we been shamefully forced to forget our rightful and noble heritage! For too long have we been tramped upon!" Katsu's voice quivered in righteous indignation. "The way of the samurai must return to Japan!"

Yahiko's heart pumped in his ears, his mind whirling with the effects of the sake of the effects of Katsu's words.

"I know your stories. They are all the same." Katsu's face darkened. "After the revolution, our fathers became groveling fools before the new government, licking the boots of political dogs who should have been bowing to them. They denounced their heritage and left us in the dust." He paused. "Our time has come to take it once more. Victory is nearly in our hands!"

The air was taut with the tense silence. All eyes were fixed on Katsu.

"Tomorrow night our plan comes to a head. You have all prepared and devoted yourselves to carrying it out, no matter what the cost. You are true samurai. Your righteousness and justice will carry you to victory."

Yahiko's heart stirred within him at these words. _You are true samurai. _How many times had he declared his heritage to those who would look down on him? He ashamedly thought of his days as a pickpocket, no more than a slave to greedy thieves who mocked his noble claims. All those times when he had been underestimated, teased, and defeated, giving in to his own weakness.

It was time for change.

"I have traveled much over Japan in these past two years. I have gained many supporters who have been enlightened to the injustice of this land. And there will be one from among you tonight whom I have chosen to lead the destruction of the ambassador's house tomorrow."

Katsu gazed upon every young man seated in the circle at his feet. His eyes stopped when they met Yahiko's.

Yahiko could hardly breathe as Katsu slowly stood to his feet, motioning for Yahiko to do likewise.

"Yahiko-kun," Katsu said gravely, his piercing stare like black fire. "Do you accept this mission? Do you become my first general in the beginning of this glorious war for truth?"

"Yes, Ikazuchi-sama," Yahiko whispered, bowing. "With all my heart."

0-0-0

Yahiko's elation was mixed with the dwindling effects of the sake as he stumbled through towards the Kamiya dojo.

"_Do you accept his mission? Do you become my first general in this glorious war for truth?"_

He could hardly believe his fortune as he blinked at the faint beginnings of dawn that tinged the sky. To be Katsu's right hand man? His most trusted servant? Yahiko's heart swelled at the thought.

He stopped at the dojo's gates, leaning against them to gather himself. He had to be very quiet so that he could slip into his bedroom unnoticed. As he again gazed at the pale sky, he realized he had lost track of time at the meeting house. The group had left one by one so as not to bring suspicion to anyone who might happen to see them. Yahiko had stayed by Katsu's side, relaying the plan for tomorrow night's first uprising.

"Remember, Yahiko-kun," Katsu had said. "You are samurai. This ambassador deserves to die for daring tread his filthy Western shoe on our sacred soil, helping to aid the injustice of the Meiji rule. Do you swear that you have the capacity to murder him?"

The word 'murder' sounded so ugly on Katsu's tongue, yet Yahiko had nodded enthusiastically. "The fools think that they are safe here," Yahiko had added bitterly, matching Katu's tone. "I will personally prove them otherwise."

Katsu smiled in approval. "That is correct, my friend," he said. He paused for a moment, regarding Yahiko solemnly. "Once the ambassador from Germany is dead, there will be a war on Japan. That is when I shall need you the most. That is when the true samurai will arise and be Japan's salvation from its own treachery."

Yahiko had been the last to leave and now wondered if he had should have declined Katsu's last invitation to drink. Perhaps his knees wouldn't have felt so wobbly.

Taking a deep breath, he turned and slowly pushed open the dojo doors. They were still unlocked as he had left them, thankfully, and they didn't make a sound as he stepped into the courtyard. As quietly as he could, he pushed them back into their place, making sure to lock them behind him.

He took a tentative step, listening for sounds of movement from within the dojo. There was only silence.

Satisfied, he relaxed and began tiptoeing towards his room.

"You need not try to be quiet, that you don't."

Yahiko froze and grimaced. Reluctantly, he turned towards Kenshin's voice. The rurouni stood leaning against the wall of the dojo, his usually kind face surprisingly hard.

Yahiko noticed that Kenshin was fully dressed, his sakabatou strapped to his side. Obviously he had been awake for a long time. Blinking heavily, Yahiko groped for a excuse.

"I…I went on a walk," he said lamely, knowing that it was unconvincing. "I got lost on the way back."

Kenshin straightened and shook his head. "Yahiko, I find this hard enough to bear without you lying to me."

"Since when do you start sounding like my father?" Yahiko exclaimed, indignation mounting in him. "As if you had any right to question me."

"I have no need to question you. I know where you went last night."

Yahiko's insides froze. He stared at Kenshin, open-mouthed.

As he took a step towards him, Kenshin's stern gaze seemed to melt something inside of Yahiko. He lowered his eyes quickly under the rurouni's scrutiny. "There is…there is no way you can know that," he stammered.

"I followed you."

There was silence in the courtyard. Neither of them spoke for a moment as Kenshin's words closed in on him.

Yahiko risked a look at him. "You…you know?"

"I heard everything," Kenshin said, his words edged with intensity. "And I am ashamed of you."

His words stung terribly, and Yahiko fought to keep the tears from his swollen eyes. Every old desire of wanting Kenshin's approval rose up in him, and he lowered his head remorsefully.

_You are true samurai…_

Katsu's words rang through his mind, challenging him. Defiance quelling his guilt, he looked met Kenshin's gaze, his fists clenched at his sides. Who was this man to accuse him?

"Why should I care what you think?" Yahiko growled.

"It doesn't matter if you care, Yahiko," Kenshin snapped, his voice rising. "What matters is what I heard at that meeting."

Yahiko breathed a laugh. "Of course," he sneered. "It's the killing, isn't it? Is it too much for you? Or perhaps you are just jealous. Your weakness hinders you from being who could truly be."

"This isn't about me!" Kenshin said sharply. "This is about you realizing that you are planning to murder innocent people for that sake of your own glory. Do you truly understand that, Yahiko?"

"No, do you understand?" Yahiko said, his voice rising. "Do you understand what it feels like to be demeaned your whole life for who you are? Do you know what it means to have a history of greatness, but having to live with the disdain that others thrust upon you? I wandered for a year, looking for answers, and I found them with Katsu! He showed me that the rule of the samurai is the only just and glorious way. And I count it a privilege to kill any who oppose that!"

"Yahiko, listen to yourself! You're calling for an old order, one that fell in bloodshed." Kenshin held out his hands imploringly. "Think about what you're saying!"

"Come on, Kenshin," Yahiko said, swiftly pulling out his katana. "I want to end this now."

Kenshin didn't make any move to draw his blade. "If you think that I will fight you to resolve this, you are mistaken," he said, shaking his head.

"Don't you dare back down from my challenge!" Yahiko cried, his head light with anger and sake.

"Yahiko, you don't know what you're doing." Kenshin's voice softened for a moment as he took a step forward. "It will do no good to fight me, that it won't."

"Shut up!" Yahiko screamed, charging at the rurouni.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4-

Kenshin dodged Yahiko's attack, shocked at the boy's swiftness, even in his drunkenness. The blade's edge had grazed the skin of his neck. Bewildered, Kenshin turned around to face Yahiko.

The look on the boy's face was one he had never seen before. A small, wicked smile played on Yahiko's lips as he gazed at Kenshin, his eyes filled with feral anger and drunken insanity.

"I've learned a lot in a year," Yahiko said, raising his sword again. "Surprised?"

Again, he swung at Kenshin. Sidestepping to avoid the katana's sharp point, Kenshin spun around, ready to dodge another predictable side attack. When he turned to face Yahiko, however, the boy was high into the air, his sword lifted above his head, his mouth open in a fierce yell.

Kenshin awkwardly stumbled backwards, his heart stopping in his throat when he realized Yahiko's target. The sword point was aimed straight at his chest.

Yahiko landed heavily in half-kneeling position, the katana driven into the compact dirt floor. Slowly, he stood, yanked his sword point from the ground, and raised it into an attacking position, his eyes still burning, challenging.

"Everlasting Thunder," Yahiko whispered.

Kenshin stared at him, his mind filled with whirling thoughts. That strike had been a final blow, meant to kill. The Yahiko he thought he knew so well had disappeared. This boy was out for blood.

"So be it," he whispered very softly to himself as he reluctantly unsheathed his sakabatou.

o-o-o

Loud voices filled the last threads of Kaoru's dreams as she stirred on her futon. The voices were angry, arguing, yelling. She slowly opened her eyes, groggily blinking back the heaviness that weighed on them.

The harsh clang of swords.

She bolted upright. They were coming from the courtyard.

Scrambling to her feet, she went to the door and flung it open, her breath catching in her throat. Kenshin and Yahiko stood in the courtyard, circling each other, each with blades in their hands.

When Kaoru looked at Yahiko's face, she knew something was wrong. This was no training session. Yahiko's movements were too violent, too angry, and too hasty. He glared fiercely at Kenshin, his eyes shining with bitter malice as he charged with a swift strike to the head.

The rurouni deftly blocked the attack, but offered no retaliation. His expression was grim as he carefully watched Yahiko's movements.

"Fight me!" she heard Yahiko cry, his voice guttural and filled with fury. "Attack!"

Kenshin was silent. He merely held his sword loosely in his hands, ready to defend the next charge.

Kaoru's heart twisted inside of her as she gripped the wooden post of the corridor. She didn't know what had happened, but Yahiko was furious. And dangerous. Though he seemed somewhat unsteady on his feet, his movements were incredibly fast. Faster than they had ever been with a bokken.

But this was no wooden sword. This was a sharpened katana, and his attacks were deadly, used for swift killing. Kenshin was obviously trying to avoid hurting the boy in any way, but she didn't know how long he could hold out his defense without doing so.

Suddenly, Yahiko let out a roar of terrible rage and stampeded towards Kenshin, his sword pulled sharply over his shoulder. Kaoru choked on her breath as he flipped into the air and, with startling swiftness, brought the sword crashing down towards Kenshin.

"Kenshin!" Kaoru cried, running towards him.

At the sound of her voice, he turned towards her, his eyes suddenly afraid. "No! Kao-"

There was a terrible sound of blade ripping flesh and cloth. Kenshin let out a muffled cry as he stumbled backwards, gripping his right side. Blood quickly seeped through his fingers and ran down his torn gi.

"Stay back," Kenshin gasped, glancing at her as he lifted his sakabatou. "He's too fast."

Kaoru turned to look at the boy, her voice desperate. "Stop! Yahiko!"

But Yahiko charged again, not seeming to notice her. Quickly pushing her out of the way, Kenshin blocked the attack, his face in a grimace of pain. Kaoru staggered behind him, her heart pounding.

"Enough, Yahiko!" he cried through clenched teeth. "Enough!"

"First blood!" Yahiko crowed, backing up for another attack.

"Yahiko, stop it!" Kaoru screamed hoarsely, filled with terror. "Stop it!"

But the boy didn't hear her. His eyes were vacant, lost, filled with nothing but reckless pride.

_My student…_

Memories flooded her mind in that split second and her heart ached. Yahiko was still just a boy, no matter how much he had changed. And he was still her student.

_If I could just get him to look at me…_

Yahiko backed up far from Kenshin, giving himself a good running distance. Whatever he was going to do next, it was going to be fast and powerful.

_If he could just look into my eyes…_

Kaoru ran to Yahiko in her bare feet, her hand outstretched, ready to touch him, anything to get his attention. He slowly raised his sword, his body tense and coiled, his face set in determination.

"Kaoru! Stop!" Kenshin's voice seemed far away as she reached out to touch Yahiko's shoulder.

"Yahiko," she said, her voice tender.

o-o-o

He didn't know what happened. He had reacted, bringing his sword down swiftly.

When he opened his eyes, she was laying at his feet.

Yahiko stared down at Kaoru's crumpled form, disbelieving.

"Kaoru!" Kenshin cried from behind him.

He stumbled backwards as Kenshin roughly shoved him out of the way, kneeling down beside his wife. Yahiko could just stare, paralyzed, shocked. He watched as Kenshin held Kaoru's face in his hands. Blood ran profusely from a deep gash on the side of her temple. Yahiko looked at his blade. Blood stained its glistening edge.

The katana dropped from his hand. His whole body began to tremble. "I…"

Kenshin looked up at him over his shoulder, his expression panicked. "Go get Megumi!" he yelled. "Now!"

Yahiko turned and sped toward the dojo gates, the world suddenly seeming to shatter around him.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Megumi sat up on her futon, startled by the desperate pounding on her door. Quickly pushing back the blanket that covered her, she gathered it around her shoulders and padded to the door.

"Who could it be this early in the morning?" she groaned as she unlatched the door. She pushed it open a few inches and looked out. It was the last person she had ever thought to see. He was taller and older looking, but she knew immediately who it was.

"Yahiko!" she exclaimed as she pushed the door open wider. "What-"

"Megumi-san! You have to come to the dojo!" he panted, leaning on with his hands on his knees. "It's Kaoru!"

Her stomach sank. "Wait here," she told him.

She stepped inside, foreboding gathering in her heart as she quickly gathered her things.

"What could have happened?" she whispered to herself as she packed cotton bandages into her bag. "After all these years…"

When was the last time she had been called for help from the Kamiya dojo? The blood-filled days of Kenshin's first years at the dojo had nearly faded from her thoughts over these past peaceful years. Now, every memory came crashing through her mind, making her hands tremble slightly as she tied her long hair back in a ribbon.

Yahiko was waiting impatiently outside of the clinic, walking back and forth restlessly. When she stepped on the street, he started at a brisk pace. Megumi quickened her steps to match his.

"Yahiko," she said as she walked beside him. "What happened?"

Yahiko was quiet. He stared at his feet as he walked, his eyes troubled and his face blanch. "It was an accident," he whispered finally.

"What kind of accident?" Megumi asked, puzzled at his silence.

He said nothing, not meeting her gaze.

"What kind of accident?" she persisted.

Again, he didn't respond. He only walked faster, a sheen of tears gathering in his eyes.

o-o-o

Kenshin held Kaoru's head in his lap, pressing the sleeve of his gi against the wound across her cheek. She still had not stirred, and the blood was flowing quickly, spreading its red blossom across the fabric.

He looked toward the dojo gates anxiously, willing Megumi to run through them. Yahiko had better been sober enough to find her house quickly.

Kenshin's jaw clenched as he looked at the fallen katana where Yahiko had dropped it. It was stained with blood. Kaoru's blood. Blood that was precious to him.

He lifted his head as he heard quick footsteps nearing the gates.

"Megumi-dono!" Kenshin called. "Come quickly!"

In a moment, Megumi was kneeling at his side. Her brows were furrowed as she gently pulled Kenshin's sleeve from Kaoru's face. The wound was ugly and raw, blood flowing profusely. Fear suddenly tightened in Kenshin's chest as he waited for Megumi to speak.

"Get her inside," she said brusquely. "I need to get to work."

Carefully, Kenshin gathered Kaoru in his arms. She groaned slightly with each movement.

"Hold on," he said quietly to her as he walked up the steps. "I have you." He knew his voice was tremulous as he spoke, betraying his own worry.

Megumi walked ahead of him, opening the door to their bedroom. Kenshin followed her inside and softly lay his wife down on the futon.

Working quickly, Megumi expertly strung a thread through a needle. She bent over Kaoru, making the first stitch. Kenshin winced and looked away.

"Can I do anything?" Kenshin asked. He needed to something, anything, to keep his hands busy. He knew that he wouldn't be able to bear watching Kaoru suffer.

Megumi glanced up at him, seeming to understand. "Take those cotton cloths in my bag and boil them in hot water."

Kenshin took the strips and left the room, trying to control the raging trepidation that filled his heart.

o-o-o

Yahiko sat huddled in the corner of his room, trying to stop his body from shaking. He pressed his palms into his eyes as another shudder ran through him, making him want to vomit.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. Hot tears fell down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry."

o-o-o

Kenshin leaned against the door to his and Kaoru's room, fighting the sense of helplessness and dread that plagued his mind. Megumi had taken the hot cotton cloths when Kenshin had come back with them, and had told him to sit outside until she called him. Kenshin didn't dare to ask why. The grave concern in Megumi's eyes warned him not to.

But it had been over three hours of waiting. Kenshin's imagination had run wild with questions and fears as he waited for Megumi. As much as he longed to yank the door open and see what was happening, he understood that Megumi knew what she was doing.

He stood up, agitated, and tried to take deep breaths. He realized that his heart had been fluttering quickly in his chest since Megumi's arrival. He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply.

The door behind him slid open slowly. He turned around. Megumi's face was drawn and tired-looking.

"Come in, Ken-san," she said quietly.

Kenshin quickly stepped past her and knelt at Kaoru's side, taking her limp hand in his. The dark puckered stitches that ran down her face were red and painful looking, making her face flushed. There was no blanket covering her. Kaoru seemed to be drenched in sweat.

"Kaoru," he murmured, stroking her hair from her forehead. "Koishi."

Megumi knelt on the floor on the other side of the futon. He could feel her gaze fixed on him. He looked up.

"Will she be alright?" he asked.

Megumi's eyes were pained. She looked down at the ground, her mouth open, as if trying to search for the right words. "Kenshin," she said slowly. "After I stitched up the wound, I examined Kaoru to make sure she wasn't hurt anywhere else."

She paused, seeming to gauge his reaction. He stared at her, waiting.

"I'm afraid…that I have some bad news…"

At that moment, Kaoru stirred, letting out a sharp moan, her body tensing into a fetal position. Her hand in Kenshin's gripped his fingers in a hard grasp. Her breathing came sharply and heavily for a few moments, then she relaxed, letting out a long breath.

Kenshin looked at Megumi for explanation, searching her face for answers. She didn't meet his gaze as she pressed a cold compress against his wife's forehead.

"Kenshin?"

Kaoru's whispery voice drew his eyes back to her. Her eyes fluttered open, and he gave her a shaky smile. "Kaoru," he said. "I'm here."

She started to smile back, but it turned into a grimace. She bit her lip, squeezing her eyes shut, as another spasm of pain racked her body.

"Oh…" she gasped, looking down at her lap. She looked up at him, her face stricken. "The baby…"

_The baby?_

Kenshin's eyes widened as he gazed at the tiny bloodstain beginning to form between her legs, understanding hitting him in the chest like a physical blow.

"I'm so sorry, Kaoru," Megumi said softly. "There's nothing we can do."

He felt numb. He heard Kaoru's soft sobs and instinctively gathered her into his arms as she cried against his shoulder, sometimes gasping as more pain would grip her. But he was elsewhere, lost, wondering, the words running through his mind.

_The baby…_

His baby.

Gone.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Author's note: In case you didn't know, "ikazuchi" means "thunder" in Japanese…I hope. I tried to look it up in a Japanese/English dictionary, but you never know about the context…**_

_**Anyway, I hope you are all enjoying this. I sure am! **_

Chapter 6-

"When I had seen Kaoru at the Akabeko the other day, I had my suspicions that she may have been pregnant," Megumi told Kenshin as they sat in the dimly lit dining room. She sipped at her tea and sighed. "When Yahiko told me that something had happened to her, I feared the worst, of course."

Kenshin didn't respond as he stared down into his untouched tea.

"When I examined her, my suspicions were confirmed, but I waited to see what would happen. I knew the suspense must have been terrible for you, but I didn't know if she had even told you yet or not," she went on. "When the small contractions began to come, though…" She let her voice trail off and she shook her head. "I'm sorry, Kenshin. For both of you."

Silence hung in the room like a heavy blanket. Kenshin still hadn't stirred. His face was blank, immobile, so very unlike him. Megumi lowered her head to try and catch his gaze.

"Would you like me to stay here tonight?" she asked him gently. "Kaoru is asleep right now, but she may need help later."

When he looked up at her, his eyes were filled with heavy tears.

"Is this what all of those people felt when I killed the ones they held dear?" he whispered brokenly.

Megumi's heart wrenched inside of her. "Oh, Ken-san…" she pleaded. "Don't do this to yourself."

He lowered his head, staring at his hands, which were still stained with Kaoru's blood. "I have often tried to understand the pain of those I had hurt in the past," he said. "But I never came close to fully realizing it. Perhaps this is simply more atonement for my sins."

"None of this is your fault," Megumi said sternly, setting her cup down. "Don't even begin to think so. You couldn't have prevented what happened."

"But I could have!" Kenshin's tone was suddenly harsh. "I could have, but I didn't. I didn't want to hurt him. I thought that maybe he would realize what he was doing, and stop. I should have known! I should have stopped him!" He pressed his hands over his face. "I should have…"

Megumi stared at him, puzzled. "What? Should have stopped who?" she asked. Kenshin didn't answer. She leaned forward, over the table. "Kenshin, what happened to Kaoru?"

When he lifted his face, Megumi was shocked to see the spark of anger that burned in his eyes. "Yahiko."

o-o-o

Yahiko timidly stepped in the doorway of the dining room. Megumi and Kenshin sat at the table. They both stared at him, making him feel all the more vulnerable and guilty.

He looked at Megumi, who's face seemed distressed.

"Kaoru," he said quietly, dreading the worst. "Is she…?"

There was a pause.

"She will recover, Yahiko," Megumi said carefully. "Given some time."

Yahiko felt his body relax somewhat and he nodded. "Good," he whispered.

There was another silence. Yahiko didn't dare look at Kenshin. He took a deep breath.

"Kenshin…" he began. "I didn't mean-"

"Get out of my house."

Kenshin's low words made Yahiko meet his eyes. The rurouni's face was stony and filled with quiet anger. "I don't want to see you in this dojo again."

Yahiko didn't move. He felt his mouth open and close, but no words came out.

"Did you hear what I said?" Kenshin stood slowly from the table and took a step towards him. "Get out."

The words stabbed at Yahiko's heart as he slowly backed away. "But, Kenshin-"

"Go!" Kenshin growled as he took another step towards him. "Now!"

Yahiko saw Megumi rise from her seat at the table. She put a hand on Kenshin's shoulder, but he ignored her, his eyes still riveted on Yahiko, the angry flame in them growing with each passing second.

"Kenshin, listen! I'm sorry!" Yahiko said desperately. "I didn't mean for that to happen!"

"You didn't mean for that to happen? You didn't mean to kill _my child_?!" Kenshin's voice rose into a yell, his fists clenched at his sides.

_Child?_

The horror of what he had done suddenly struck Yahiko, nearly making his knees buckle. He stared at Kenshin, unable to breathe, unable to speak.

"Get out!" Kenshin cried, quickly unsheathing his sakabatou. He took a threatening step towards him, the fury in his eyes a raging fire. "Leave!"

Terrible sorrow and shame engulfing him, Yahiko turned and stumbled toward the dojo gates, a sob escaping his throat.

o-o-o

Kenshin sat in the darkness of the courtyard, staring at nothing. Everything was quiet. Megumi had shooed him out of the room earlier, telling him that it would be best for him to wait until it was over.

Leaning his head back against the wall, he closed his eyes, his mind sluggish with grief.

_My child…_

A child he would never know, would never see. A potential for life, disappeared. A precious promise, gone.

He couldn't remember the last time he had been so filled with fury as he had earlier. It terrified him. Something of his old self had risen up inside of him in that moment, like a beast fighting to get out. His whole heart and mind had screamed for vengeance, for some sort of satisfaction.

But despair had been his anchor. Even though his anger had been so strong, a lingering thought in his mind had tied him to his sanity, something he had asked Megumi only seconds before.

"_Is this what all of those people felt when I killed the ones they held dear?"_

No, never again. Never again would he be tempted. No matter what the circumstances.

A nauseating burn at his side reminded him of his wounds. His gi was encrusted with his blood and Kaoru's. He hadn't even remembered it until now.

He stood slowly, painfully, as the gash in his side began to throb in earnest now. He shuffled to the bathhouse, and removed the top half of his gi as he opened the door. Inside, the tub sat full and still, looking like glass. The small room was illuminated with flickering shadows as he lit the candle inside.

He shivered as he plunged his arms into the cold water, rubbing them with his hands, trying to scrub the dried blood off of them. He could smell its coppery tang on him, and he leaned forward until the water reached his shoulders. When he straightened, he peered at his skin in the dim light. Remnants of the blood remained.

_Like the blood of those I slay. _

The thought crept into his mind, unbidden and cruel. Sorrow like he had never known suddenly pressed down against him like a weight, pressing on his heart as he sunk to the ground. His shoulders shook as he quietly began to weep. He leaned against the wooden wall of the bathhouse, letting his anguish pouring out through the hot tears that scalded his cheeks, mourning the loss his lost child and the loss of all of those lives he had taken with his blade.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note: Sorry for the short delay. This was the hardest chapter to write thus far, and it is a slightly different flavor than the others have been. I hope it is enjoyable!**

**Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It really keeps me inspired.**

Chapter 7-

Yahiko tried to control his trembling as he neared the designated meetinghouse. His mind was in a haze, disoriented and filled with confusion. He couldn't think clearly, yet his heart was filled with dread at the task that awaited him.

When he came to the doors of the house, he knocked twice, then three times. The door immediately opened, and a small man stood inside, his gaze accusing.

"Get in here!" he hissed, yanking Yahiko's arm. "Ikazuchi-sama has been waiting for an hour!"

Yahiko staggered into the corridor, which, to his surprise, was filled with people. Young men he had never seen before, most of them older than himself, stood crowded in the hall. Their excited whispering ceased when they saw him, and they were quiet as they parted to let him through. Bewildered, Yahiko brushed past them as he went towards he back room.

He could see Katsu standing amidst a circle of young men that Yahiko recognized from the meeting the other night. He was dressed in red samurai armor, making him look powerful and invincible amidst the plainly dressed boys around him. His jet-black eyes flickered up at Yahiko, brief annoyance flashing in them.

"Yahiko-kun," he said sharply. "I had expected you earlier. We haven't much time."

Yahiko didn't respond. Even though he was physically there, in this crowded room, he wasn't present. He felt removed, unfeeling, as if in a fevered dream.

"Come." Katsu jerked his head impatiently. "There is much to discuss."

Yahiko came forward until he was in front of Katsu. He lifted his eyes to meet his leader's, which were hard, yet sparking with harsh excitement.

"Yahiko-kun." Katsu's lips softened into a smile. "My most worthy servant. Tonight you are given a great and noble honor. Tonight you will help me begin the era of pure justice and righteousness. The way of the samurai rule. The glory shall be yours alone, my friend. This task was prepared for you."

Katsu put his hands on Yahiko's shoulders. "Victory is on our side!" he said. "Rise up, Yahiko-kun, and take it!"

There was a long pause as Yahiko looked into Katsu's eyes. "I can't," he whispered hoarsely.

Katsu blinked, confused, as he slowly released his grip on his shoulders. "Can't?" he asked, the smile still on his face. "Have you forgotten your pledge to me? To be my general in this glorious war for truth? To claim your rightful and noble heritage?"

Yahiko didn't answer as he lowered his head.

"Don't you dare think you can back down on this," Katsu whispered fiercely in Yahiko's ear. Yahiko looked up to see his leader's face close to his. "I won't let you humiliate me in front of my followers, understand? So you gather yourself, or I swear, I will kill you."

The sudden, frightening intensity in Katsu's face was unmistakable, and Yahiko knew it was no idle threat. Swallowing back his fear, he mutely shook his head.

Straightening, Katsu looked up at the young men that stood anxious and waiting in the crowded house, and lifted his arm into the air. "The rain brings death," he shouted.

"And Everlasting Thunder!" The cry resounded through the room.

o-o-o

Yahiko stood next to Katsu in the darkness, staring at the high stone wall that surrounded the mansion that was acting as the German embassy. One of the huge glass windows on the side of the mansion was lit with warm yellow light, contrasting sharply with the harshness of the black night..

As they had crept the silent streets of Tokyo, Yahiko had tried to find a chance to slip away, unnoticed by Katsu. But, as if he had read his mind, Katsu had stayed right at Yahiko's side, a hand always on his katana's hilt.

Two dark shadows slumped by the large brass gate that stood as an entrance to the mansion. Yahiko knew that they were guards, obviously asleep on duty. He knew that Katsu would no doubt kill them as soon as Yahiko left, but there was nothing he could do to warn them.

Yahiko glanced at his leader, his leaden mind searching desperately for a way out of the situation. Whatever happened, he already knew in his heart that he could never kill anyone.

Not again.

As he looked at the mansion, he was filled with such remorse that he could feel the tears prick his eyes again. What had he become that it had come to this, waiting to be sent to kill an innocent man? To what madness had he deceived himself into?

But as he looked at Katsu, he knew that there was no way out of it now. He would have to find a way out for himself. No matter what the cost.

"Are you ready, Yahiko-kun?" Katsu said as he turned to face him.

Yahiko nodded.

There was a smile in Kastu's voice. "Then go, my friend. We have prepared for this moment, and now the time has come. I shall wait for your signal. When the ambassador is dead, I shall run in to help you take the body."

Yahiko was silent as he turned and slipped into the shadows, not even waiting for Katsu's official send-off speech he knew was coming. If he knew Katsu, it would be about the glory and honor of his cause, all empty, cheap words.

Gripping the katana's hilt, he stealthily ran around the back of the surrounding wall, keeping his eyes trained on the faintly lit window on the first story. That was his goal. But how to get there undetected was a different matter.

When he came to the back portion of the wall, he lost no time in scaling it. It was made of river stone, and his hands and feet fit easily into the small gaps that pitted it. Working quickly, he jumped over the ledge and landed quietly on his knees, listening for a moment to see if he was detected.

Satisfied that he had not been heard, he slowly stood and began creeping towards the side of the mansion where the dimly lit window had been. Though he moved quickly and quietly, he still had that same sensation of being in a dream. He didn't feel, didn't think. He just knew that he had to get inside of that mansion.

As he neared the desired window, Yahiko could see the flickering light was that from a huge fireplace that blazed with a bright fire. Carefully, he peered through the window.

A white man with a brown beard sat on a green sofa, reading papers in his hand. He wore a scarlet robe, and leaned back against the cushions, not aware that he was being watched. Though Yahiko had never seen the man before, he fit the description Katsu had given him.

Yahiko stepped back from the window and looked around. He spotted another window to his right, one with large separate glass panes. Remembering an old trick of his thieving days, he crept over to it and pulled off the cloak he was wearing. Looking first through the glass to make sure that carpet lay on the floor inside, he then lifted the cloak above his head. He pressed it to one of the panes of glass and gave it a swift punch to its center.

The glass broke silently, and Yahiko breathed a sigh of relief as he heard the shattered piece fall with a soft thump to the carpet inside. The hardest part was over.

Hoisting himself through the window, he carefully stepped over the shards of glass and blinked in the darkness of the room. It was filled with a long, shining table. Royal-looking straight-backed chairs surrounded it, and a large ornate vase filled with flowers sat in the center. Yahiko paused to look at this, marveling for a moment at the luxury as he searched for what he came to find.

There. Passing the table and chairs, Yahiko went to the door at the other end of the room and slowly opened it. It led to a pitch-black hallway. Turning his head to the right, Yahiko saw another door. Yellow light shone dimly through the cracks.

Holding his breath, Yahiko tiptoed to door and pressed his ear against it. He could barely make out the snap and hiss of the roaring fire inside.

Yahiko placed a shaking hand on the brass knob, his heart pounding, nauseas fear rising in his throat. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to calm himself.

_Remember why you came._

Then, turning the knob slowly, he pushed the heavy door open.

The door creaked slightly as he opened it. At the sound, the ambassador looked at him with a start, his mouth open in fear. He stood up quickly, dropping the papers in his hand to the ground.

Yahiko stepped across the threshold and quietly shut the door behind him, his eyes never leaving the ambassador.

"Don't be afraid," Yahiko whispered. "I'm not going to hurt you."

The ambassador didn't make any move. He just stared at the sword at Yahiko's side.

Yahiko quickly unstrapped the sword from his side, cursing himself for having not thought of that earlier.

He slowly put the katana on the ground in front of him. "See?" Yahiko said. He tried to speak slowly and softly. "I'm not going to hurt you. I just need to tell you something."

The man whispered something in a gutteral language that Yahiko had never heard before. He held up his hands in front of him, as if in defense, his eyes wide and fearful.

Yahiko's heart sank as he realized his terrible mistake. He hadn't considered that the ambassador wouldn't be able to understand him.

His mind raced frantically, desperately. He was suddenly trapped, unable to move or think coherently. He stood, frozen in his tracks.

Suddenly, the man reached into his robe. Yahiko stared at the pistol in the ambassador's hands, his eyes now triumphant. He smiled as he spoke in his language something that sounded taunting to Yahiko.

"I-I…" Yahiko stuttered, backing away slightly. His katana was on the floor, but what use would it be against a bullet?

As Yahiko looked into the man's eyes, he had one fleeting idea and he took it. Snatching up his katana, Yahiko turned and yanked open the door, thrusting himself into the hallway. A shot rang behind him, and the sound of splintering wood as the bullet hit the doorpost.

Yahiko ran the dark corridor, to the dining room where he had entered. He grabbed the wooden sill, and lifted himself up over it.

Another deafening shot rang out.

Yahiko gasped as pain coursed through his left shoulder. He fell to the ground heavily, pressing his hand against shoulder, feeling the warm blood flow out of the wound. Struggling to stand, Yahiko staggered towards the front gate, frantic and dazed, unsure of where he was going.

His legs growing weak, he stumbled and hit the grass, jarring his shoulder terribly. Gritting his teeth, Yahiko writhed on the ground, disoriented. Somewhere, he heard shouting and the shrill cry of the police whistles.

"Yahiko? Yahiko!"

Yahiko looked up at Katsu's voice. Katsu knelt down beside him, grabbing his waist and pulling him up.

"Come on!" Katsu growled, jerking him forward.

Yahiko stumbled blindly, struggling to put one foot in front of the other. He fought to keep his eyes focused, to keep his body moving, but he could feel the blackness tugging at him, tempting him to simply close his eyes and fall into oblivion.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Ken-san?"

Kenshin opened his eyes, blinking in the early morning light that shone around him. Megumi's voice came from the courtyard.

"Ken-san?"

Slowly, Kenshin stood, feeling stiff from leaning against the wooden walls of the bathhouse all night, the wound in his side aching sharply. Pulling his gi to his shoulders, he shambled from behind the bathhouse, rubbing a tired hand across his swollen eyes.

Megumi turned when she heard him, her face creased with worry. As he neared her, she seemed to take in his rumpled appearance and his painful walking, furrowing her brows.

"Ken-san," she said, a faint smile flitting across her lips. "I was afraid you had gone."

"I'm sorry to have worried you," he said, his voice raspy. "I just…" His voice trailed off, not knowing what to say.

She nodded, looking down at his gi. "Are you hurt?" she asked, concern in her voice. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Kenshin looked at the large bloodstain that matted the fabric. "I suppose I forgot. I didn't really think about it." He lifted his head to meet her eyes. "But it's not very deep. You needn't worry about me."

Megumi shook her head. "Ken-san, always the humble one," she said quietly. Sighing, she squared her shoulders. "I just wanted to tell you that I needed to stop by the clinic this morning. Kaoru is doing better, though…" Megumi paused. "There is only so much a doctor can do."

Silence hung between them for a moment. Kenshin looked towards the direction of his bedroom, his heart heavy.

"I will be back shortly. I just need to get a few things," she said. "And I thought that you might want some time with her."

Kenshin smiled sadly. "Thank you, Megumi-dono. For all that you do."

o-o-o

Kenshin slowly slid the door open. The morning light shone across his wife's pale face, showing the dark shadows under her eyes and the gauntness of her cheeks. The stitched cut on her face looked bruised and swollen against the whiteness of her skin. He knelt beside her, simply watching her as she slept, her chest rising and falling gently.

Tenderly, he stroked her hair, letting his hand softly caress her cheek. She stirred slightly at his touch and opened her eyes, meeting his.

"Good morning," he whispered.

"Good morning." She reached up and touched his face. "Are you feeling alright?"

He laughed noiselessly. "It's funny that you are asking me that," he said. "When I'm the one who should be asking the question to you."

"No, really," she said, her face troubled. "How are you doing?"

He sighed and looked away. "I…I don't know," he said. "There are so many emotions stirring in my heart…I don't know what to feel." He turned to her. "What about you?"

She was quiet for a moment, her gaze searching the ceiling. "I feel…I feel like a part of me has disappeared. Like some piece of my heart is dead. Gone forever…with our child."

Her words pierced his heart, and he fought back the tears that once again threatened his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said at last, his voice husky. "I'm sorry that that happened. I should have stopped him. I should have-"

"You didn't know." Kaoru interrupted him. "You couldn't have known what was going to happen. It's not you're fault."

Kenshin shook his head. "I should have realized that he needed to be stopped," he said, his tone harsh. "I should have stopped him immediately."

"He didn't know what he was doing," Kaoru's soft voice cut him off. "I had thought that…maybe he would have come to his senses if he had just…let me talk to him." Now her eyes filled with tears. "He is still my student, no matter what happens."

Kenshin stared at her, unsure of what to say. He looked down at his hand holding hers. "I'm afraid that I cannot be as forgiving as you are," he whispered.

"We will have to forgive him, Kenshin," Kaoru said, her voice broken by her tears. "Or we will never heal."

Kenshin didn't answer. Kaoru didn't know what he knew. She didn't know what violence he had immersed himself in, and he couldn't bring himself to tell her. Not yet.

But one thing was sure in his heart. He would never seek revenge on Yahiko, no, but never could he learn to forgive him.

o-o-o

"Hey."

Kenshin paused from his walk to the kitchen as he saw Sanosuke come through the gates. Stepping down from the platform, Kenshin met him in the courtyard, attempting a small smile.

"Sano."

Sanosuke searched Kenshin's eyes, his face anxious. "Megumi told me what happened," he said quietly. "I am so sorry, Kenshin."

Looking down at the ground, Kenshin nodded his head, swallowing back the always-present threat of tears.

"How's Kaoru?" Sano asked.

Kenshin glanced towards their bedroom. "As well as one might hope," he said.

"And you?"

Kenshin met his friend's intense look and smiled wanly. "As well as one might hope."

"Megumi said something…about Yahiko," Sano said. "He's back apparently."

"Yes."

There was a pause. Sanosuke looked at Kenshin, as if waiting for him to explain all, to tell him what happened.

Sighing heavily, Kenshin shook his head. "Don't ask me, Sano. I can't speak of it now."

Looking embarrassed, Sano lowered his eyes. "I understand." He cleared his throat. "Tell Kaoru that I stopped by."

"I will."

"Do you guys need anything?"

"Megumi-dono is taking care of us. But thank you, Sano."

Sanosuke gave him a small grin. "No problem."

o-o-o

Burning. The searing pain that shot up and down his arm was like a burning fire. He grit his teeth as he fought to open his eyes, to focus his swimming vision, to gather himself. A sudden panic gripped him, trying to remember where he was, what had happened. He struggled to take deep breaths, to slow the rapid beating of his heart that added to the throbbing in his shoulder.

"You're awake."

Katsu's voice snapped him into the reality of his situation. Yahiko blinked in the brightness of the room, his gaze alighting on Katsu, leaning against the wall of the room. They were in the meeting room, the usually shuttered windows opened, as if Katsu was purposely trying to torture him with the glaring sunshine that shone in.

"Get up. We're leaving." Katsu's voice was sharp and angry. He glared down at Yahiko contemptuously, his arms crossed over his chest.

Using his good arm, Yahiko tried to raise himself up. His legs felt like lead, and his shoulder seemed to scream in protest. He paused, trying to catch his breath, feeling the blood draining from his face.

"Hurry up," Katsu barked, giving Yahiko a fierce kick in his side. Yahiko bit his lip to keep from crying out. "Move."

His legs shaking, his head swimming, Yahiko slowly stood. The corners of his eye already began to darken, threatening to pull him back into unconsciousness. From behind him, Katsu gave him a shove towards the door. Yahiko staggered out of it, gripping his wounded arm as he leaned against the wall of the corridor, gasping.

Katsu walked past him, pushing a heavy cloak to Yahiko's chest.

"Put that on," he growled, opening the front door. "And make sure no one can see your face. The police are looking for you now."

Painfully throwing the cloak over his shoulders, and lifting the hood over his head, Yahiko shuffled to the door, pain in his every step. He didn't know where Katsu was taking him, but he had no choice but to obey.

Katsu slid the door shut behind them, glancing around suspiciously as he started at a brisk pace. Yahiko tried to hurry his stumbling steps to keep up. It was still early enough in the morning that not many people were about for the afternoon rush. Yahiko hunched into the cloak, trying to hide his obvious discomfort as he blindly followed Katsu.

How long he walked beside Katsu, Yahiko didn't know. Every step was difficult, and he kept his eyes to the ground. Katsu didn't say a word, nor did he look in Yahiko's direction.

Yahiko stopped when he saw Katsu's feet stop. Looking up, Yahiko saw that they were in front of an old, run down shack. Glancing around, he saw that they were in a shabby neighborhood, the houses run down and dirty looking.

Without knocking, Katsu opened the shoji door. Pulling at Yahiko's good arm, Katsu yanked him inside.

"Get in." Katsu shut the door behind them. "You're staying here."

Yahiko stood in the middle of the dim, filthy room, still huddled in his cloak. He looked at Katsu uncomprehendingly.

"But…" His voice was hoarse, his throat dry. He licked his lips, hesitant to ask. "…why?"

"Why?" Katsu's eyes were snapping coals, his face fixed in a furious glare, but his voice was cool. "You deserve to die. By all accounts, I should have, in my mercy, killed you myself in order that you may have kept your honor. As it is, I cannot yet slay you. It would be dishonorable to kill one of my own former followers before I have yet to kill one of my enemies. But know this." Katsu lowered his voice threateningly. "I no longer am your leader. You are no longer in this fight for justice. You have failed in your weakness. The way of Everlasting Thunder is to never again be used by your hand."

Abruptly, he turned his back to him. "Some of my companions from Kyoto will be arriving here tonight. They will not speak to you, and you are not to speak to them. They have instructions concerning you."

As Katsu opened the door, he paused and looked at Yahiko over his shoulder. "Remember, Yahiko. You have brought disgrace upon me, your lord, and upon yourself. There is only one honorable way to avenge yourself. You know of what I speak."

As Katsu stepped out into the street, he closed the door behind him. Yahiko heard him bolt it from the outside, trapping him in the darkness.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Kenshin went to gather the dirty laundry that sat near the bathroom, waiting to be washed. He needed to keep his hands busy, to keep a task at hand, anything to keep him from being still and thinking too much. Megumi still sat with Kaoru in their bedroom, tending her wound, making sure that there were no more problems to be had. Kenshin hadn't asked the particulars. He didn't think he could bear knowing any of the details.

Coming to the laundry, he lifted it and went to the washtub that sat in the middle of the courtyard. Mechinically, he took out the top sheet and began to scrub it against the washboard. He sighed as he rubbed it harder against the board. Though his hands may be busy, it couldn't keep his mind blank and unthinking, as much as he wanted to escape.

As he washed the sheet, he let his mind wander to the thoughts that kept pressing him, demanding to be heard.

What had the baby been? A girl or a boy? If it had been a girl, Kenshin wondered it she would have looked like Kaoru. Maybe she would have enjoyed playing with dolls rather than with wooden swords, or maybe she would have been just like her mother. Maybe she would have had red hair, like him, and maybe she would have been quiet and sweet.

If it had been a boy, Kenshin thought with a wistful smile that it would have interesting to have had to raise a son, who would no doubt want to learn sword fighting. Maybe he would have looked like him, a double of his father. Or maybe he would have had turned out quite differently…

Kenshin stopped in his washing, his hand still submerged in the sudsy water as he gazed at his reflection in the tub. What good did it do to wonder? He would never know. Not ever. No matter how much he wanted to.

Shaking the wet sheet out, he folded it and put it an empty woven basket at his side. He turned to reach for another sheet, but his hand stopped short.

So much blood. The material was soaked, so that it looked as if it had been dyed a deep red. Kenshin stared down at it, his eyes wide, unable to touch it. he slowly withdrew his hand, and it fell, clenched, in his lap.

Behind him, he heard the door slide open, and Megumi's slow steps come down the stairs and towards him.

"Ken-san, I think I'm going to-" Megumi's voice stopped short as she came up beside him. "Oh…"

Kenhsin looked up. Her face was distressed and remorseful, her hand to her mouth.

"Oh, Kenshin, I'm sorry," she said, quickly bending down to take the basket of bloodied sheets. "I didn't even think…" She hefted the basket in her arms. "Let me wash those for you."

"So much…" he said to himself. He slowly stood and pressed his knuckles to his eyes, letting his hair fall over his face. "I will be glad when this is past me, and I can forget all of this."

Megumi didn't say anything for a long while. When Kenshin lifted his head, she merely looked sad.

"I'm going to go home now," she told him, her voice gentle. "Kaoru is fine. She will feel weak and ill for a few days, but her body is recovering well. But…" She paused, looking hesitant. "But you need to talk to her, Kenshin. Talk this whole thing out. Don't be afraid to. Don't run away from it."

Slowly turning, she walked to the dojo gates, her words echoing in Kensin's mind. He _was_ afraid. As much as he longed to help Kaoru, and to be with her, he dreaded it.

And he didn't really know why. She was his wife, and he loved her, hated seeing her suffer so much. But…to talk about this…to have to tell her what had happened between him and Yahiko…to have to face his grief all over again, over the baby, over Yahiko, over his own guilt…

It was so much to bear, it made him feel bowed with weariness. Yet, as Kenshin looked towards his closed bedroom door, he knew that he had no choice. It was his burden to carry, and he would carry it, as he had carried his burdens in the past.

i-i-i

Kaoru was sitting up on her futon, brushing out her long black hair as Kenshin came in with the tray in his hands. She looked up at him and gave him a thin smile as he set the tray down beside her.

"I thought you might be thirsty." He placed a small cup in her hands. "But the tea is very hot."

"Thank you." She sipped it slowly, gratefully. Kenshin noticed that she grimaced as she lowered the cup, touching the cut on her face gingerly.

He sat down and crossed his legs underneath him, taking a cup for himself. "Megumi-dono says that you are recovering," he said. The words sounded lame and conversational to his ears, but Kaoru didn't seem to notice.

"I'm tired mostly. And this hurts." She gestured to her face. Her brows suddenly furrowed as she leaned forward. "I just remembered to ask you. Where is Yahiko?"

"Why do ask?"

"Has he been back?"

"No."

His terse reply obviously caught her off guard. She looked at him closely.

"We need to talk about it, Kenshin."

He looked down at his tea. "I know," he said quietly.

"What happened between you two?" she asked. "What was it?"

He was silent for a moment. He struggled to find the words, trying to choose them carefully. "It was…something…that explained his…outburst the other night."

When he looked up to meet her blue eyes, they were insistent, prodding him to go on.

"I heard Yahiko leave in the middle of the night. I slipped out behind him and followed him a great distance from here to a little house in some neighborhood. When I saw him give a password, I knew that whatever he was doing was something secret, so I crept behind the house and listened to the conversation that took place inside. When I heard what was said, I nearly couldn't believe it. It was so foolish."

He took a deep breath, forcing himself to continue. "He was meeting with a group of anarchists, obviously led by a young leader, who were wanting to overthrow the government and restore samurai order." Kenshin shook his head. "Of all things, their first step was to kill the German ambassador, and start chaos. And who should have been chosen for the assassination, but our Yahiko." He sighed and leaned his head against his hand. "His samurai pride…"

"But surely-" Kaoru gasped. "Surely he didn't want to do it…"

Kenshin straightened. "Do you wonder why he crossed swords with me? When he came home, drunk with alcohol and his own pride, of course I confronted him. When he wanted to fight me, I thought he must have gone mad. But…he surprised me. You saw…how much he had changed."

Kaoru nodded, her face distressed.

"He kept attacking, but I didn't retaliate. I…I couldn't bring myself to fight against the boy…that had nearly been like…a son to me." Kenshin's voice dropped to a whisper. He bent his head.

Silence hung over the room. He didn't lift his face, but watched small droplets of Kaoru's tears fall on the sheets at her lap.

"I didn't know," she said softly. "Poor Yahiko."

"Poor Yahiko?" He gaped at her, bewildered. "How can you say that? After what he did to you, after what he did to us?"

Kaoru's eyes brimmed with tears. "What else can I say? The poor boy is confused, is so lost…and now where can he be?"

"I told him to leave," Kenshin admitted softly. "I told him to never come back. I was so furious with him, with his stupidity, with his carelessness. I couldn't stand to look at him."

"Oh, Kenshin," Kaoru wept. "What if something has happened to him? What if he has done something to himself?"

"I am sure that Yahiko can fend for himself," Kenshin said soothingly, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Kenshin, you have to go find him!" Kaoru gripped his arm. Her cheeks were moist with her tears, and her eyes red. "You have to tell him that he is forgiven!"

She held his arm tighter, searching his face. He didn't speak as he slowly withdrew his hand, biting his lip.

"But he isn't," Kenshin whispered. "He isn't forgiven. I can't forgive him."

"But, Kenshin-"

"I feel that he has hurt me beyond what happened…with our baby. He has spat upon, has totally disregarded everything we ever gave him, ever hoped for him. It is a slap in the face, and a dishonor that I cannot dismiss as easily as you do." His tone was harsh, sharp.

Kaoru wept openly, but her eyes suddenly flashed. "I don't dismiss it easily!" she cried, her fist pounding against her lap. "I am hurt as much as you are!"

"Then how can you forget what he has done?" Kenshin gestured towards the door, his voice rising. "How can you forget what he intended to do? He plotted to kill a man! He is a _murderer_, Kaoru!"

"And so are you!"

Her shouted words hung in the air, tainting it. Kaoru stared at him, looking aghast at her own words. He stared back, his mouth open, unable to speak.

"Kenshin…I didn't mean…I didn't…" Kaoru covered her face with her hands. "I'm sorry…"

He watched as her back bent with heavy, gut-wrenching sobs, racking her body with each breath. Letting out a long sigh, Kenshin moved towards her, letting her lean back against him as she cried.

"So many tears," he murmured as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders. "When will we be happy again?"

i-i-i

_**Author's note: This is a rather short chapter, but I felt that the last quote was a good stopping place. As you may have noticed, the posting is now at once a week. I will continue to persevere, however! **_

_**Also, I am sorry that there is so much crying going on in this thing. It just seems that as I think of these situations, crying seems like the most plausible response. **_

_**Ah well. Perhaps I should changed the genre to tragedy. **_


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Yahiko jumped, startled, at the loud clattering sound that seemed to echo in his ears. He carefully tried to sit up straighter against the wall where he leaned against, but he knew that he could not stand. His head swam with dizziness, and the pain raged throughout his arm, making him nauseated. His body was shaking and was covered in cold sweat. He still gripped his shoulder with his right hand, which now ached and was stiff with dried blood.

He saw the door open, and a dim blue sky of growing twilight behind the two dark figures that entered the shack. One carried a covered lantern, which he opened, making Yahiko squint in the light that shone from it.

"What? Are you not dead yet?" One of the voices asked mockingly. Yahiko looked up and saw the smug face of Tekagami. His smile was leering and sinister, making Yahiko's dazed mind suddenly spark with fear.

"He has not the means to kill himself." The other figure stepped forward, and peered down into Yahiko. He was older than Tekagami, and his fine, quiet features seemed out of place in the dingy room. Yahiko didn't remember ever seeing him before at any of the meetings in Tokyo.

As if he was bored with him already, Tekagami turned and sat down against the wall. "Come on, Kazumasa, let us celebrate." He pulled out a large sake jug and two cups from a sack beside him, holding them up as if in salute. "Katsu has seen fit to finally promote us to watching the failed brat."

Kazumasa let out a long-suffering sigh and sat down beside his friend. "It is just as well. Katsu said we weren't supposed to talk to him, but I find sitting around in silence very tedious. At least we may quench our thirst."

Yahiko stared hungrily at the sake that was poured into the cups. The last drink he had had was the night that Katsu had commissioned him, the night before last. In his misery, he had thought many times of the alcohol, yearning for its numbing effects, something to dull the driving pain and to satisfy his body's craving. If he could just have one sip…

Tekagami glanced up and met Yahiko's eyes. "What? You want some?" he sneered. "Feeling a bit queasy?"

Yahiko said nothing, but he couldn't tear his gaze away from the sake cup in Tekagami's hand. His breath came in pants as his longing grew, his stomach churning.

Tekagami looked at Kazumasa, who shrugged and nodded, taking another gulp of his sake. Shrugging in return, Tekagami slowly refilled his cup and stood.

Yahiko held his breath as Tekagami knelt down in front of him, holding out the cup for him to take. Slowly, with shaking, bloody fingers, Yahiko reached out for it.

At that moment, Tekagami flung the sake onto Yahiko's wounded shoulder. A sharp cry escaped Yahiko's mouth, and he hunched forward, gritting his teeth as the incredibly stinging pain shot down his arm.

Tekagami's derisive laugh grated his ears. "Are you really so foolish? It's no wonder that Katsu disowned you."

Hissing through clenched teeth, Yahiko squeezed his eyes shut, despair engulfing him. He knew he deserved this pain, this humiliation.

He also knew he could expect no help from anyone. Kenshin and Kaoru wouldn't even know how to find him.

Not as if they would want to.

Yahiko let the thought settle deep into his mind. He had killed their child, had killed an innocent baby who never even had the chance to live. It had been an accident, yes, but…it was no accident that he had ever begun to use the katana, to use Everlasting Thunder, or that he had let himself be swept up by Katsu's words and cause.

"My pride," Yahiko whispered to himself. "My stupid, stupid pride."

How could he ever have a chance for forgiveness? Nothing he had done could ever be made right. No one could ever forgive him for what he had done.

The future suddenly loomed ahead of him, frightening and ominous. He remembered Katsu's words before he had left: _"There is only one honorable way to avenge yourself. You know of what I speak." _

Yahiko swallowed hard. Seppuku was something he didn't know if he could ever have the nerve to do. And if he didn't kill himself, he knew there was no way he could live long. Katsu had shown no intention of letting him leave the shack, and the bullet wound in Yahiko's shoulder would soon become infected if it wasn't treated soon.

It seemed that no one cared whether Yahiko lived or died now.

Turning his head so that the other two young men couldn't see, Yahiko let the frightened, anguished tears drip down his hot face.

_I am no samurai. I am only a coward._

i-i-i

Kenshin sat outside, stirring the cooking fire in front of him. He turned his head as he heard the door behind him open. Kaoru slowly slipped outside, quietly sliding the door shut behind her. She looked down at him with heavy eyes, with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders.

"I was going to bring this to you," he said, standing.

"I wanted to come outside," she said, putting her hand on a post as she leaned against it. "I can't stand that room any longer."

"That is understandable," he said, returning to the fire. "It has not held pleasant moments these past few days, that it hasn't."

"You said it."

He looked over his shoulder at her. "Said what?"

" 'That is hasn't.' You haven't said it in a while."

"Oh." He poked the fish that roasted over the fire. "I suppose I've been rather anxious these days. It sort of slipped out of my speech."

He heard Kaoru carefully come down the steps and stand beside him where he knelt.

"Your steps sound uncertain," he said, not looking at her. "Perhaps it would be best if you rested on a cushion in the dining room."

"Kenshin, look at me."

Surprised, Kenshin obeyed. He looked up and met Koaru's gaze. She looked down at him, troubled, and her eyes never left his as she slowly knelt beside him. She stared at him for a long while.

"You aren't yourself," she said in a very quiet voice. "Something is wrong."

Looking away, Kenshin gave the fish another stab. "Yes, something is wrong. Something has been wrong since the moment Yahiko came into this dojo, and all of this trouble started."

Kaoru was silent for a long while. The silence was long, pronounced, weighing between them dangerously.

When she spoke at last, it was in so soft of a whisper that Kenshin almost didn't hear her. "I only want to help you."

The silence went on, hard and disturbing. The only sound was the sound of the flame on the ground, burning discreetly.

Kenshin struggled inside of himself, wanting to speak, wanting to say something to soothe harshness of that dreadful silence that seemed like a chasm in between them.

But nothing came. What was there to say? He could hardly identify the roiling emotions that shook inside of his heart.

_I don't understand myself anymore._ He closed his eyes briefly, furrowing his brows. When would he find himself again?

The dojo doors opened slightly, startling both of them. Sano's head peered from behind them cautiously. He grinned awkwardly when he saw them sitting next to each other.

"Hey," he said, slowly stepping into the courtyard. "How is it going?"

"Hello, Sanosuke," Kaoru said in a tired voice. "We were just about to eat."

"Ah." Sano nodded at the cooking fish. "Thought I smelled dinner."

The hopeful, yet slightly embarrassed look was in the young man's eyes. Kenshin let out a short breath of resignation.

"Would you like to join us, Sano?" he asked, attempting a polite smile. But it didn't come. Now, of all times, was not the time for Sano's company.

Sano didn't move from the dojo gates as he shuffled his feet, looking discomfited. "I don't….I mean, I don't want to intrude…"

"It's no intrusion," Kaoru said. "We have enough."

"Thanks." Sanosuke sat down in front of the grilling fish, inhaling the smell. "I was feeling a bit hungry."

Sano's presence grated on Kenshin as they slowly ate their simple meal. The young man's chatter was noisy and irritating to his ears, adding to the clamor that was already swirling in his head. Kaoru was quiet, making quiet remarks and agreements when necessary.

Picking at the rice in his bowl with his chopsticks, Kenshin had lost his appetite. He was only waiting for the moment when Sano could leave, and he could go out to the fields, alone. He needed to be quiet, to practice with his sakabatou, to think only of movement and control, to escape his troubles in the simplicity of his sword.

"Did you hear about it, Kenshin?"

Kenshin looked up quickly. He hardly listened to Sanouske's conversation.

"What?"

"Some kind of disturbance last night, something to do with the German ambassador visiting here," Sano said, shaking his head. "Apparently, someone broke into the mansion and attempted to kill this German guy."

Kenshin and Kaoru exchanged glances. "And?" Kenshin prompted. "What happened?"

"It didn't work, and the ambassador ended up shooting the assassin. Crazy, isn't it?"

"And…and was the assassin…killed?" Kaoru asked, her voice breathless.

Sano shrugged. "Don't know. The police have been in a frenzy all day, looking for him. They can't seem to find him anywhere."

Kenshin felt a light touch on his arm, and he turned his head to meet Kaoru's gaze. Her eyes pled with him wordlessly, begging. He stared back at her, letting his eyes trail over the ugly wound across her cheek, the paleness of her skin, the purple stains under her eyes.

"I will try," he whispered.

"Try?" Sano looked confusedly between them. "Try what? What are you talking about?"

Kenshin stood quickly, adjusting his sword at his side. "Sano, stay here with Kaoru. I'll be back in a few hours."

"But why-"

"Just stay here," Kenshin snapped. "And don't try to follow me."

Taking quick strides, Kenshin went to the dojo gates and yanked them open. Once again he would go and try to save Yahiko from drowning in his folly.

i-i-i

Sanosuke turned to Kaoru as the gates slammed hard behind Kenshin's back. She looked towards them with tears in her eyes, her hands gripping the blanket that was wrapped around her shoulders.

"What…what was that about?" Sano asked, feeling thoroughly baffled.

"He-he's not himself," Kaoru said brokenly, her voice strained with tears. "I don't know what's wrong with him…He won't tell me. He won't speak to me…Sanosuke, what if I've lost him?"

Sano's eyes widened as she lowered her head and began to sob heavily.

Obviously, something was going on that he didn't know about.

But seeing her cry like that, it didn't seem right to just let her do it by herself, and his heart rent at the sight of her so broken. She was just a kid, and so vulnerable after having gone through so much.

"Come here," he said as he pulled her close. "It's alright, Jou-chan." She buried her face in his shoulder, weeping. He tried his best to find the right words to say. "I'm sure Kenshin will be fine…"

"But he won't!" Kaoru suddenly cried, looking up at him with streaming eyes. "He won't! He can't forgive him! He can't forgive himself! And what if he never does?...I'll never get him back!"

Sanosuke looked down at her, his eyebrows knotted. "Why don't you tell me what happened?" he said gently. "From the beginning. And then we'll see if Kenshin can be saved or not, all right?"

i-i-i

"And you say that you know where he may be?" Chief Uramura asked, bewildered.

Kenshin nodded, his hands folded behind his back. "I followed him to that house the night he returned to Tokyo. He may not be there now, but it is a place to start."

The police chief rubbed his eyes under his spectacles. "We have been scouring the city all day. The ambassador is furious that an attempt has been made on his life on his first visit to Tokyo…and for no apparent reason." He shook his head. "And now you say that it's a group of anarchists. What will the emperor say to that? He has personally inquired into this situation, you know." He squirmed in his chair uneasily as he glanced about his sparse office.

"They are hardly any real threat to the emperor," Kenshin said, his voice bitter. "They are a group of reckless young men led by an arrogant young leader. You will dispel them easily."

Chief Uramura again shook his head, smiling ruefully. "You are indeed invaluable, Himura-san, as always." He stood and straightened his jacket. "Lead the way. My men and I will follow."

i-i-i

Kenshin ignored the curious faces that turned his way as he led the group of armed police through the streets of Tokyo. He kept his face straight and stony, gripping the hilt of his sakabatou tightly. He didn't know what would meet him when he got to that meeting house. Yahiko's dead and bloody body, stretched across the floor? Or Yahiko, glaring at him with burning eyes for revealing his secret to the police? Or perhaps Yahiko wouldn't be there at all.

Kenshin quickened his steps, feeling confused and dazed. He felt so drained, so emotionally worn. He didn't know what to feel, what to think. He only dreaded what would meet him at that shabby meeting house on the corner.

He stopped when they got to the edge of the designated neighborhood. The street was quiet and calm in the growing evening, and the familiar house stood dark and silent in the shadows.

"There it is," Kenshin said to the chief, who stood beside him. "The last one on the corner."

Chief Uramura nodded. "Right." He beckoned to two young officers behind him. "Come on."

As planned, the three of them, with Kenshin trailing behind, went to the front of the house while the rest of the group stood back, waiting to spring to action if the situation became dangerous. Kenshin's heart was pounding as the police chief raised his voice. "Open this door."

Kenshin heard scuffling noises inside, and hushed voices. The door slid open a crack, and a beady eye peered out at them.

"What do you want?" a reedy voice called out. "Why do you disturb me at my home?"

Chief Uramura's tone was stern. "We have reason to believe that this house has been used for traitorous purposes against the emperor. I command that you open this door, and-"

Suddenly, there was a shout from one of the police officers. Kenshin spun around as he spotted two plain-clothed figures tearing down the street, their legs pumping fiercely. Two of the officers were on their heels.

"There is a back door!" Kenshin called, running behind the house. "This way!"

But it was too late. Kenshin jerked the door open and looked around the empty room. He went into the hallway, and peered into every room. All empty.

Chief Uramura came up behind him. Kenshin shook his head. "They're all gone, escaped. And no sign of Yahiko." He shook his head again, not knowing if he should feel relieved or worried. "No sign of Yahiko."

"Sir!"

Uramura and Kenshin turned as a young officer came bounding in excitedly. "Sir, we've caught one of the traitors!"

Chief Uramura turned and gave a little nod to Kenshin. "Good. Perhaps not all has been lost after all."

i-i-i

Yahiko jumped from his delirious dozing as the shoji door was yanked open, and Katsu stumbled in. He shut it behind him quickly, and leaned against it, breathing heavily, a sheen of sweat on his brow. Takagami and Kazumasa scrambled to their feet, staring bewilderedly at their leader.

"We've been found out," Katsu panted. "The police…have found us out."

"The police?" Takagami's face paled. "But how-?"

"They came to the meeting house," Katsu interrupted, his eyes snapping, his voice tinged with anger. "Those fools came and didn't even think to guard the back door. We all escaped and outran them." He began to pace the floor, running his hands through his disheveled hair. "This never should have happened…"

"But how did they find out?" Kazumasa said, wringing his hands nervously. "I thought we had all been so careful…"

Katsu stopped his pacing and glared at Kazumasa. "Oh, we had. It was all flawless."

"Then…then how?" Kazumasa repeated.

"We have this dog to thank for that." Katsu spoke slowly as he turned his dark gaze to Yahiko. "For who did I see as I ran out of that back door…but the rurouni?"

Yahiko's stomach clenched and his heart beat faster as he looked up at Katsu. Katsu's eyes burned dangerously, black and mysterious as he glowered down at Yahiko.

"What did you tell the rurouni?" His voice was dangerously low. "Are you a

traitor two times over?"

Yahiko didn't answer as he stared fearfully at Katsu. His mouth was dry, and his tongue was leaden in his mouth.

Katsu's lips curled into a snarl as he reached down and yanked Yahiko's arm upward. Yahiko could not hide the pained shout that escaped his lips, as the burning

soared up and down in arm.

"What did you tell the rurouni?" Katsu shouted as he shook Yahiko viciously. "What did you tell him?"

Yahiko bit his lip to keep from crying out. "I told him nothing!" he cried desperately. "I didn't tell him anything."

"Don't you dare lie to me!" Katsu screamed, bringing his fist across Yahiko's face, again and again. "What did you tell him?"

The metallic taste of blood burst in his mouth, and once again the blackness began to overtake him as the pain exploded through him. Yahiko's pleas were drowned in the gurgle of blood that filled his throat, choking him.

"Ikazuchi-sama!" Takagami's voice pled. "Please, someone may hear you!"

Yahiko felt himself crumple to the ground as Katsu's hand released him, vomiting blood, gasping for breath. One last thought fluttered through his mind as he gratefully let the darkness cover his consciousness.

_Kenshin is looking for me…_

_i-i-i_

_**Author's note: Ack! It's been two weeks since the last posting! School has been keeping me very busy these days… hides sheepishly behind a chemistry book**_

_**I tried to make it up to you all by trying to make this chapter a bit longer. I also tried to move the plot along a bit. **_

_**And I am having a very hard time describing Kenshin's tumultuous feelings. If anyone feels that I am being too vague with describing them, please tell me. **_


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11-

Kaoru stared down at her hands, her eyes dry and stinging from crying for so long. Sanosuke sat beside her, quiet and contemplative, pondering what she had just finished telling him. About Yahiko. About Kenshin. About her fears.

"This is messed up," Sano muttered finally. "Really messed up."

Kaoru said nothing. She was empty now. She had no more tears left, and for the first time, a feeling of hollowness echoed through her. Pressing her fingers against her tired eyes, she let out a long breath.

"But you were right, Jou-chan."

"About what?" she whispered, not looking up, her voice rough with fatigue.

"A part of Kenshin is…missing."

She lifted her head and looked at him from under the hair that fell across her face. "What do you mean?"

Sanosuke was looking up at the sky, his dark eyes serious and distraught. "He's not complete. He's not…as sure of himself."

"But why?"

"It's as you said. He cannot forgive." Sano ran his long fingers over the dusty floor of the courtyard, deep in thought. "He cannot forgive Yahiko because he cannot forgive himself. Maybe…when he realized first hand how much pain was caused by death, the burden of what he did as the Battousai overwhelmed him fully. Any peace he had before has been replaced with regret."

"And now he thinks that he can never be forgiven. So now he cannot forgive Yahiko," Kaoru finished softly. "Yes, I can see that now."

They were quiet for a long while. The wind stirred gently over them, and Kaoru turned her face upward, closing her eyes, letting the breeze cool her fevered skin.

"What do we do now?" she said finally, not opening her eyes.

"We wait," said Sano. "Kenshin has to find his own way."

"And what if he never does?"

"He will."

The fear and worry that stirred in Kaoru's heart calmed at the confidence of Sano's tone. A small smile tugged at the side of his mouth as he looked at her.

"Don't fret, Jou-chan. Yahiko may be a punk, and I could just pound his face in right now, but I'm sure that he'll come around. But you can be confident that he'll have me to deal with when he does."

Kaoru tried to smile back, but it wasn't sincere. All of a sudden, she wanted nothing more than to sink into sleep. Her eyelids were heavy as she rubbed her knuckles across her eyes.

"Why don't you go to bed," Sano said, concern in his voice. "I'll stay and keep a watch for Kenshin."

Placing a sturdy hand under her arm, he helped her stand. Gathering the blanket around her shoulders once more, she studied him.

"Thank you," she said, suddenly marveling at his maturity. His discerning words weren't those of the cocky young man she had met at the Akobeko several years ago. "Thank you, Sano."

"Eh, what are friends for?" he said, a wide grin spreading over his face.

i-i-i

"I tell you, that's all I know!"

Kenshin turned his hard gaze from the young man sitting on the chair in front of him to Chief Uramura, who nodded slowly.

"You're sure?" Kenshin said, looking at the young man squarely.

"I swear it!" he cried, struggling lightly against the bonds that tied his hands together. "Ikazuchi-sama never told me exactly where his hideout was! I just know it's in a neighborhood west of here!"

"Ikazuchi-sama," Chief Uramura repeated. "What is his real name?"

The young man opened, then shut his mouth, his eyes suddenly afraid. "I…I

cannot say."

Kenshin's annoyance flared. "Oh yes, you can," he growled, putting a hand on the hilt of his sakabatou.

The effect was not lost on the youth, who stared at the sheathed sword with wide eyes. "But I swore an oath to never reveal his name to anyone," he pleaded. "He would kill me if he found out that I told you!"

"Tell us." Kenshin slowly wrapped his fingers around the hilt.

"Onoda Katsu!" the young man blurted. "That is his true name!"

Uramura looked at Kenshin, who nodded, satisfied. There was nothing else to be obtained by questioning any longer.

"Can I be released now?" the young man asked hopefully.

"Released? You are under arrest for conspiracy against the emperor," Uramura said, motioning to one of the officers behind him. "And I can assure you that your comrades will be joining you soon."

Kenshin and Uramura ignored the young man's angry cries as they walked out of the interrogating room and into the chief's office.

"Well, at least we have a name," Uramura said. "I will begin to make inquiries." He sat on the cushion in front of his desk with a heavy sigh. "But it will take some time."

"It may be too late for Yahiko by then," Kenshin said in a low voice as he looked out the window. "I will start looking tonight."

"Tonight?" Uramura exclaimed, surprised. "But, Himura-san, you don't even know where to start!"

"I wandered for ten years, Uramura-dono," Kenshin said over his shoulder as he walked out of the office. "I have found that I have a knack for finding people in trouble."

i-i-i

Yahiko didn't want to open his eyes, didn't want to come back to consciousness. But a sharp, stinging pain pulled at him, bringing him back to reality.

"Come on," a mocking voice laughed at him. "Wake up. Don't make me be rough with you."

He slowly opened his eyes. Tekagami's face peered at him, a sardonic grin on his face. "Good morning. Sleep well?"

Gritting his teeth, Yahiko became all too aware of the terrible burning sensation that ran up and down his arm. His shoulder felt as if it was on fire, like tiny flames were licking at his skin. His face was hot with swelling as well, and his mouth was dry with the metallic taste of blood from Katsu's blows.

"Get away," Yahiko barked. "Leave me alone." Using his good arm, he shifted his elbow under him and sat up, glowering at Tekagami, his pain making him bold. He blinked heavily, trying to clear his swimming vision.

"You had better shut up," the young man said, his eyes narrowing threateningly. "The task has been given to me to make you ready. I could make you really miserable right now."

"Make me ready? For what?" Yahiko rasped.

Tekagami smiled again, leering, but he didn't answer. Instead, he turned and picked up a long bolt of white cloth.

"Let me see your shoulder."

Yahiko looked at him suspiciously, not moving. Tekagami snorted impatiently.

"What, do you think I'm going to strangle you with it or something?" he said, waving the cloth under Yahiko's nose. "Let me wrap this around your shoulder."

At that moment, Katsu yanked the door open and strode inside, shutting it quietly behind him. He turned and glared at Yahiko.

"Is he giving you trouble?" Katsu asked, his brow dark.

Feeling humiliated and silently angry, Yahiko slowly reached up to move his gi. The cloth was stiff with dried blood, and it stuck to his skin. Biting his lip, he peeled it away from his shoulder, struggling against the nauseating pain that ripped at his gut. Fresh blood poured from the wound and trickled down his arm.

He panted heavily, feeling the sweat running down his face as Tekagami reached over and began to wrap the cloth around his shoulder. He squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his jaw, pain soaring through his body in a way that he had never yet felt.

When he opened his eyes, he saw Katsu scrutinizing him.

"Give him this," he said, putting a bottle of sake into Tekagami's hand. "I need him to not be consumed with the pain."

He didn't even wait for Tekagami to pour it into a cup. Yahiko yanked the bottle out of his grasp, putting it eagerly to his mouth, welcoming the warm rush that tingled through his stomach. He spluttered and coughed in his haste, and Katsu snatched it out of his hand.

"Enough," he said. "Now get up. We don't have much time."

Reluctantly taking Tekagami's hand, Yahiko hoisted himself up, his legs quaking underneath him. He could feel himself swaying as the dizziness threatened to bring him to his knees. But Tekagami's grip was strong under his good shoulder, and Yahiko shuffled towards the door.

Katsu put his hand on it, but paused as he turned to Yahiko. "You will do what I say. Follow my every instruction, or I will slit your throat."

Carefully, he slid the door open slightly, peering into the growing twilight. "Tekagami, get the cloak and put it on him."

Yahiko leaned against the wall, his whole body trembling with effort. Tekagami shrouded him in the dark cloak that he had worn earlier. Stealing a look at Tekagami's face, Yahiko saw that all mockery had left it, replaced with a deep seriousness that made Yahiko's heart quicken with a flash of fear.

i-i-i

Kenshin walked down the dirty side street, his eyes scanning each doorway, looking for anything out of the ordinary. The approaching night was beginning to make sight difficult, and he would have to go get a lantern so that he could continue his search.

What drove him to search, he hardly knew himself. Genuine concern for Yahiko, worry for Kaoru, and an anxious need to be on the move all contributed to his desperate seeking. He knew that he must look strange, running from one neighborhood to the next, watching and listening, but he didn't care. He just had to find Yahiko, had to keep moving.

But first, some water. He was near the main bridge, and he went down to the bank, where the river gently lapped past him. Scooping his hands into the cool water, he brought them to his lips and drank deeply.

He let out a long breath as he eased himself onto the ground, untying his sakabatou and placing on the ground beside him. He winced as twinges of pain from old wounds shot up and down his back. They were bothering him more and more lately, reminding him that he was getting older.

Kenshin looked up the bridge above his head. So many memories, so many important events at this bridge. Meeting Yahiko had been one of those that had changed his life forever.

_Yahiko. _

"That poor boy," he whispered aloud to himself. "That poor, stupid boy."

Yet still he wrestled with himself. Yahiko had killed his child, his baby, someone that he had loved and considered long before he ever married Kaoru. Yahiko had gone down a path of killing, one that Kenshin knew all too well, a path that he despised and a path that he had battled so many times in the past. Yahiko had reviled everything that Kenshin had ever taught him, had ever cultivated in him. Yahiko didn't care that Kenshin and Kaoru had spent so much time with him, had sacrificed so much, had given so much of themselves for his benefit. It was as if he deliberately meant to hurt them.

Yet there was something else that tugged at his heart, easing the sting of the disappointment and anger. Kenshin knew Yahiko. There was something about that boy that he had always been able to touch a deep place of. From the beginning, Kenshin had understood and acknowledged Yahiko's desire to be a man, to be strong and to defend the weak.

Kenshin smiled in spite of himself as he remembered the yelling sessions that often happened between Yahiko and Kaoru during practice. Kaoru was a good teacher, and she had a passion for what she taught, but she wasn't a man, and she could never take that place of a masculine identity that was at the core of Yahiko's desire to train.

But Kenshin knew. He had always known. There had been many long talks, many side lessons, many words of advice that had been exchanged between them. Yahiko's longing for strength, honor, and confidence had been one that Kenshin had understood and encouraged. And it hadn't been a "brother-to-brother" relationship. It had been man-to-man, elder to younger.

Father to son?

Kenshin blinked as that phrase entered his mind. Yes, he confessed to Kaoru that Yahiko had been like a son…but…

Something about that phrase struck him, and he wondered. Kenshin couldn't remember his own father, and Master Hiko hadn't really been a sincere paternal figure in his life wiall of his bullying methods and flaunting arrogance. But something about Yahiko's relationship to him had seemed akin to what Kenshin had always known should be a part of fatherhood.

A deep, never-moving love.

"He really was like a son to me," Kenshin murmured bewilderedly. "Though I hardly knew it at the time."

Then why did he feel so torn? So sorrowful and sullen, yet so full of compassion for this wayward boy?

Kaoru's words rose up in his mind. _"You aren't yourself…"_

Grimacing at the memory, Kenshin rested his head on his knees, closing his eyes. He shouldn't have been so harsh with her. He had been too impatient, too caught up in his own grief and anger to control his tongue. His heart rent at the thought that those had been the first sharp words that he had hurled at her yet since their marriage.

She was only trying to help him, he knew. Whatever she did, she did out of love and concern for him. He knew that. And he knew he never should have left her like that, so abruptly. What would she think of him now?

He was silent for a long while, staring at the river as the darkness fell heavier across Tokyo. The quiet of night was descending, echoing through him, enveloping him. He looked up and saw the moon peeking from behind dark clouds, and the wind stirred uneasily around him. A storm was gathering, and he wondered if he would be able to search for Yahiko after all.

He quickly stood, hastily strapping his sakabatou at his side, suddenly aware of the late hour. Kaoru was no doubt worried by now. Hastening his steps, he hurried towards home, already forming in his mind the words he would say when he reached the dojo.

"_Kaoru, I didn't mean to hurt you…"_

i-i-i

Yahiko stumbled awkwardly behind Katsu, his mind numbed by the effects of the sake. Tekagami marched beside him, nudging him with his elbow when Katsu turned a corner. Yahiko vaguely wondered where Kazumasa had gone, wondered where he was going, wondered what Katsu meant for him to do, but his thoughts always ran around each other, and it was all he could do to listen to Katsu as they paused in a dark alley.

"You know what you must do," Katsu whispered to Tekagami. "I have entrusted you with this because of your faithfulness and your strength. You have proven yourself worthy. Once you reach the ambassador's mansion, your worthiness will be put to the test. See that you do not fail."

Tekagami's face in the gloom was solemn and stiff…and fearful? Yahiko's stomach twisted at the irony of Katsu's words that had been spoken to him only nights earlier. How different circumstances were now…

Katsu put a hand on Tekagami's shoulder. "Remember. You are samurai. I will meet you at the police station. Make haste once everything is set in place, for we must act quickly."

Tekagami nodded slowly. Without another word, Katsu was enveloped into the darkness as he went down the alley and into the street.

_Police station? Ambassador's mansion? _ Yahiko wondered as he walked beside Tekagami, his head spinning. He struggled to focus, to try to think, to formulate a plan. A dreadful foreboding was building inside of him, a terrible sense of doom. Whatever Katsu had planned for him, Yahiko could be sure it would not be for his good.

A sudden fear gripped Yahiko as he glanced around the street nervously, trying to find a way out. He couldn't simply bolt from Tekagami's side. The other young man was armed with a katana, and Yahiko not only had none, but he was in no condition to run.

Yahiko glanced at Tekagami. His face was set and determined, his mind elsewhere. He seemed to hardly be aware of Yahiko.

They were walking on the side street from the main thoroughfare of Tokyo. It was darker here, and few people had ventured out that evening. Yahiko looked desperately around him, his mind whirling with pain and sake. He had to find some way-

The Akabeko.

Yahiko blinked as if in a dream. There it was, just down the street. The familiar back courtyard where he had often dumped garbage. The sounds of the cooks working diligently in the kitchen. The cheery lights of the restaurant burned yellow from the inside.

The idea seized him and he took it.

Stepping as quietly and stealthily as he could, Yahiko half-strode, half-stumbled away from Tekagami and towards the Akabeko's back entrance. This was a chance, and if he didn't take it, he had a sinking feeling that he would never have that chance again.

As he crept to the back courtyard, his heart was pounding painfully. Staying in the shadows, he pressed himself against the wall of the restaurant, he watching the back door warily, hoping that someone would come out of it quickly. If he could just speak to Tae or to…

Tsubame.

Yahiko's breath caught in his throat when he saw her. She strode past him, not seeing him as she carried a bucket of dirty water in her arms to dump into the alley. It had only been a year since he had seen her last. How could have she changed so much?...So beautifully?...

Yahiko gathered his thoughts quickly. He had to act in haste, before Tekagami figured out where he had gone.

"Tsubame."

She spun around quickly, the empty bucket dropping from her hands at the sound of his voice, hoarse and low from disuse. Her eyes were wide in fear when she saw him in the shadows.

"Who…who are you?" she asked in a shaking voice. "What do you want?"

Yahiko stepped out from the shadows, letting the light from inside the restaurant fall on him. Tsubame gasped, her hand going to her mouth.

"Ya…Yahiko?" she whispered, incredulous.

He tried to smile reassuringly at her, but it turned into a grimace as the bruises from Katsu's blows protested. He wondered how he must look to her, hunched over in pain, his face covered with wounds.

"Yahiko, what happened?" she asked, taking a tentative step towards him. "Who did this to you?"

Tekagami's angry curses rang through the alley. He didn't have much time.

"Tsubame, you have to help me.," Yahiko said, stepping forward and taking her hand in his. "Go and find Kenshin. Tell him that I am in trouble. Tell him that I am sorry, and that I need his help. Tell him to look for me either at the police station or the German ambassador's mansion."

Tsubame stared at him, her eyes searching his face as he spoke. She nodded mutely, her hand tightening around his fingers.

"I'm sorry that I can't explain…" he said, looking into her eyes one last time. He heard Tekagami's footsteps coming closer. "Go, quickly. Get Kenshin."

He stepped back into the alley as silently as he could, looking for Tekagami, steeling himself for whatever wrath he had to face.

i-i-i

Author's Note: Well, it has again been two weeks since the last posting. But I am still pushing through, trying to keep the plot moving to its soon upcoming climax! Yay...hopefully.

I do believe it was Kenshin's soul-searching moment that took me longest to write. That deep stuff always does…

Anyway, keep reviewing! I love every word!


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"What are you trying to pull?"

Tekagami's heavy hand gripped Yahiko's arm, causing another flash of pain to spasm through his shoulder.

"Come on!" he hissed, shoving Yahiko forward. "We've wasted enough time as it is. Katsu will be furious if we aren't there on time, you fool!"

Thankful that Tekagami hadn't asked for any explanations in his haste, Yahiko trotted beside the other young man through the dark alleys, his thoughts following Tsubame. He hoped earnestly that she would find Kenshin quickly.

He also hoped that Kenshin would find it in his heart to forgive him, to help him.

Even if he didn't deserve it at all.

"Once we get there, you are to do exactly as you're told," Tekagami muttered beside Yahiko as they hurried through the darkness, taking him out of his thoughts. "No arguments, understand?"

Yahiko, breathless from fatigue and the throbbing pain in his shoulder, merely nodded.

They crept far from the Akobeko, towards an outer part of the city, when Tekagami slowed his pace to a halt. Yahiko saw that they were in a small neighborhood, where a few squat drab houses stood crammed together in the narrow alley.

"This is our stop," Tekagami whispered.

Knocking on the door once, then three times, it slid open to reveal Kazumasa, a lantern in his hand.

"You're late," he said, frowning.

"Let us in," Tekagami snapped. "It's almost time."

Kazumasa stepped aside to let them pass. "We have to hurry. You were to be at the mansion by now."

"I know!" Tekagami glanced irritably at Yahiko as they stepped into the shabby little room. "If only he hadn't slowed me down, I would be there by now."

"Follow me quickly." Kazumasa beckoned for them to follow him, and by the light of the lantern, Yahiko shuffled behind them, his mind awhirl and in a grey haze of the throbbing pain in his arm that was growing steadily worse with each step.

Kazumasa led them through a hallway to another shoji door, and slowly slid it open. It led into another alley that lay directly behind the house.

"There's the mansion," Kazumasa said, pointing down the alleyway. Yahiko stepped into the alley beside Tekagami and saw the large house at the other end of the alley, across the street. It lay still and silent, but even from his vantage point, Yahiko could make out the shadows of several policeman quietly patrolling around the walls that surrounded it.

"They've put up a large guard," Kazumasa said. "Ever since that last incident…" He looked disparagingly at Yahiko. "…both the ambassador and the emperor insisted that he take on a third of the police force to patrol the area."

"That's where you come in," Tekagami said, turning to Yahiko.

Yahiko blinked. "Me?"

"Katsu has chosen me to carry out what you so miserably failed at." A smug grin lit his features. "But as you see, your little mishap has caused it to be all the more difficult to enter."

"You will stay here and wait for my signal," said Kazumasa. "Then you will set fire to this house."

"What?" Yahiko stared at them for a moment. "Burn it?"

"The blaze is sure to distract the police," Kazumasa explained in a low voice, his fine-boned features lit grimly in the dancing shadows of the lantern light. "They will try and put out the fires."

"And with them out of the way, it will be an easy task to make my way into mansion," Tekagami finished, adjusting his sword at his side. "While I do that, Katsu will be free to exact his revenge upon the police at their station. With a third of their men here, trying to put out the flames, they will be weaker than usual."

"And with them out of the way, Ikazuchi-sama can take his rightful place," Kazumasa said, pride in his voice. "Our leader to justice."

"To our rightful place as samurai," Tekagami added, looking up into the sky. "I truly am privileged to be fighting for my honor, for the honor that should be ours."

"Leader to justice…" Yahiko repeated quietly, shaking his head slightly. "It will never work."

"Be quiet," Tekagami growled. "What are you anyway, but a failure? Worthless and a shame to samurai blood."

Yahiko's stomach clenched at these words, but kept silent, inwardly agreeing with them, even though they stung.

_I am a failure. Worthless. _

_A disgrace. To myself. To Kaoru. To Kenshin._

Yahiko watched in silence as Tekagami crept silently towards the mansion, his back bent low in order to not be seen in the darkness.

"Come on," Kazumasa said, stepping inside the house. "Let me show you where the flint and stone are. We haven't much time."

Taking one last look at the mansion, Yahiko followed him, his heart now beginning to beat hard in his chest.

_Please, please find me soon. _

He stole a glance at the form of Tekagami, difficult to see as he neared the mansion grounds.

_I don't want to be a part of death any longer._

i-i-i

Kenshin slid the door open slowly, quietly. Koaru lay sprawled on the futon, deep in sleep. Her chest rose and fell as she breathed, her dark hair splayed across the blanket. She always said that she could never sleep still when he wasn't at her side.

Stepping carefully, he crossed the room to take the lantern that stood in the corner of the room, always ready when they needed it. He tiptoed back to the door, his hand ready to slide it shut as soon as he stepped out. Her voice stopped him.

"Kenshin?"

He turned, apologetic. "I'm sorry if I woke you," he whispered.

She sat up, blinking groggily. "I haven't been able to sleep very soundly tonight." She looked at him for a moment. "Have you been here long?"

"No, I've just arrived. But I'm going again."

She let out a quiet irritated sigh a she stood up, gathering her arms around her. "Sanosuke was supposed to wake me up when you came back."

At that moment, the deep rumble of Sano's snores from the courtyard broke the quiet. Kenshin looked at Kaoru. Kaoru looked at him.

They both burst in laughter. Struggling to stifle the noise with his hands, Kenshin couldn't help himself. All of the tension, anxiety, and fear of the past days seemed to pour out of his laughter, making him laugh even harder in spite of everything. Kaoru was bent over, holding her stomach as she laughed, making him laugh even more.

After some minutes, their laughs died down, leaving them smiling and breathless. Kenshin let his heart take flight at the sight of her smile lighting her face, making her beauty shine, even in the dark room.

The words he meant to tell her came to his mind, and he knew he must speak. Somehow, through that silly laughter, the chasm that gaped between them earlier was closing.

"Kaoru, I'm sorry that I hurt you earlier, with what I said."

Kaoru's face calmed, the soft smile never leaving her lips. "And I'm sorry as well."

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I shouldn't have called you a murderer to your face like that," she said in a whisper, her eyes suddenly sorrowful. "You aren't that person anymore. You haven't been for a long time."

He was surprised at the sudden prick of tears in his eyes.

"Thank you," he murmured.

A quiet pause hung over them for a moment.

"You're going out?" Kaoru said, gesturing to the lantern. "Where?"

"I am going to keep looking for Yahiko." He looked out at the growing night, suddenly troubled. "I am afraid that I may already be too late."

"Why?" Kaoru stepped towards him so that she stood next to him at the open door.

"I think he may be in danger. I need to be sure he is safe."

"No, I mean why are you doing this?"

Kenshin looked down at his wife's face, pale in the faint moonlight. "What do you mean?"

"Only this morning, you said that there was no way that you could forgive him, yet now you're looking for him, trying to find him. Why?"

Turning his eyes to the sky, he let out a long breath. "Since yesterday, I have been plagued with the guilt of my sins in a way that I have never felt before. The horror of what I had done, not just to the ones that I killed, but the grief that I caused so many families, so many wives, brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers…I was overwhelmed. Because I had tasted that grief firsthand and finally I understood what it was to have someone you loved taken from you by another's hand." He closed his eyes, his brow furrowing. "It is a feeling of violation, of inconsolable loss. And I hated myself all over again."

He paused as a breeze blew over his face, brushing his hair across his cheeks. "I thought that I had begun to be forgiven. But when I fully realized the extent of what I had done, I couldn't allow myself be forgiven. I couldn't forgive myself. And because I hadn't let myself be forgiven, I couldn't forgive Yahiko."

"And now?"

Kaoru's quiet voice caused him to meet her eyes.

"And now…and now I realize that I cannot lose him. I have lost one child. I cannot let myself lose another."

She stared at him, a look of question in her face. "Is it as easy as all that?"

He considered the question. "No, it isn't. There is yet another road of healing to be followed, one that will take time. But…as for Yahiko, I cannot let my unforgiveness be a cause to his harm."

"So you haven't forgiven him?" She sounded sad, disappointed.

Kenshin rubbed his hand over the smooth sheath of his sword. "Would I be trying to find him if I hadn't?" He turned and put his hand under her chin, lifting her eyes to meet his. "You don't have to worry. Because I have you…" He cupped his fingers around her face. "…I have truly have begun to heal. Because I have you, I can keep living, striving to be forgiven. Because I have you I can also learn to forgive. To forgive both Yahiko…" Leaning over he, kissed her on the cheek. "…and myself."

In the darkness they stood, smiling softly at each other, Sano's continuous snores serenading them.

i-i-i

There was a loud pounding on the dojo gates, startling both Kenshin and Kaoru. They looked at each other quizzically. Sanosuke could be heard scrambling to his feet, cursing loudly.

"Who is in the world could it be at this time of night?" he grumbled, rubbing his hand across his face.

Kenshin hurried to the gates. "Wait, Sano, let me open it. I may be Uramura-dono."

The pounding was earnest now. Kenshin opened the gate slowly, peering cautiously in the darkness.

"K-Kenshin-san?"

"Tsubame!" Surprised, he opened the door wider, letting her inside. "What is it? Is something wrong? Has something happened?"

Tsubame stared at him with wide eyes, obviously shaken. "It's…it's about Yahiko-kun."

"Yahiko? What happened?" Sano stepped towards her. "Tell us!"

Kaoru came over with the lantern. "Tsubame-chan! What are you doing here so late? Is Tae-san alright?"

Looking at each of them, Tsubame seemed at a loss as to whose questions to answer first.

"We can go inside," Kenshin said gently. "Then we can talk."

"But we don't have time!" Tsubame cried, finding her voice. "Yahiko-kun is in trouble. He said that I had to find you quickly."

Kenshin held up his hand. "Wait a moment. When did you see him?"

"At the Akabeko, in the back yard. Just a half an hour ago."

"What kind of condition was he in?"

Tsubame's eyes clouded at the memory. "He was beaten very badly, with bruises and cuts all across his face. He also seemed to be in a lot of pain."

"And what exactly did he say?"

"He said…he said to tell you that he needs help. That he was sorry."

Kenshin bit his lip. "Anything else?"

"He said that you should look for him either at the police station or…" She

struggled to remember the words. "…or the German ambassador's mansion."

"Good. You did well," he said, giving her a reassuring nod. He looked at Sano. "Are you coming with me?"

Sano gave him a look of disbelief. "You even bother to ask? Heck, yes."

"Right." Kenshin turned to face Kaoru, touching her cheek briefly. "You don't even need to say it," he said with a quick smile. "I'll be careful."

She smiled back at him shakily, her eyes tinged with worry. "Hurry," she whispered.

Hurrying towards the gates with Sanosuke at his side, Kenshin earnestly hoped that they hadn't lost too much time.

i-i-i

Yahiko sat in the darkness of the house, peering out from between a crack in the shoji door, squinting in the near darkness. Kazumasa stood farther down the alley, ready to give him the signal to ignite the large pile of dry straw that sat in the small room at the end of the house.

He knew it wouldn't take long for the house to be consumed with flames once the straw was lit. And being so close to other buildings, the police truly would have a mess on their hands.

But he wasn't going to light the straw. The flint and stone that Kazumasa gave him lay discarded at his side as he continued to stare into the night, struggling to stay focused. The pain and sickness that he felt was overwhelming. He realized that he hadn't eaten in several days, and the raw sake in his stomach was not sitting well. He was also beginning to feel cold despite the closeness of the room, and he began to shiver.

But still kept Yahiko eyes trained on the alley, waiting to see that familiar figure, hoping, praying, that Tsubame had gotten the message to Kenshin in time.

He glanced at the front door that he first entered with Tekagami. Kazumasa had locked it from the outside in case Yahiko tried to sneak away. Kazumasa, who stood only several yards down, guarded the door that Yahiko sat at now. There was no way that Yahiko would have a chance at escaping on his own.

His life was in Kenshin's hands.

i-i-i

"We'll both head towards the mansion and look for Yahiko there." Kenshin glanced over at Sano as they walked quickly down the dark street. "If it is necessary, you can run over to the station and tell Uramura-dono."

Sanosuke nodded. "You think it will come to that?"

"All we can do is wait and see."

The sound of their hurried footsteps and their breathing seemed to echo loudly. The street was deserted and lonely, but the wind stirred restlessly. Kenshin watched the dark clouds moving hastily across the sky, heavy with coming rain. In the far distance, lightning flashed.

Dread twisted in his gut, making his heart pound in his ears. He had a terrible feeling he was running out of time. He quickened his pace, but still he wasn't satisfied.

"Sano-" he began.

"I'm right with you," Sanosuek interrupted. "Let's go."

Without another word, both of them broke out into a run, tearing down the street as fast as their legs could carry them.

i-i-i

Yahiko was shaking badly now. His teeth chattered violently, and his insides quivered with fever. Vomit crusted the front of his gi, the sake finally coming up after churning in his stomach for so long. But still he did not take his eyes from the alley.

"Hurry…please hurry…please…" The pleas that he made under his breath in between his shivering were the only sounds in the still night. "Please hurry…"

He didn't know how much longer he would be able to keep focused. His eyes kept blurring, and he blinked often. But he had to stay awake-

A quick flash of a lantern. Kazumasa's signal.

Yahiko froze, his fear making the bile rise in the back of his throat again. This wasn't supposed to happen. Kenshin was supposed to be here by now.

Yahiko looked down at the flint and stone, but made to move to pick it up. He

couldn't do it. He wouldn't do it. He was not going to be a part of this any longer.

Yahiko looked out the door. Kazumasa flashed the lantern light again, twice this time, earnestly.

Still Yahiko didn't move. He stared past Kazumasa, willing for Kenshin to appear.

"Yahiko! What are you doing?" Kazumasa whispered fiercely as he came towards the door. "Light it!"

Struggling to stand on his shaking legs, Yahiko leaned against the doorway, still looking towards the street.

Kazumasa yanked the door open all the way, nearly making Yahiko fall forward. Even in the dimness of the light, Yahiko could see the anger snapping in Kazumasa's eyes.

"What are you waiting for?" he growled as he snatched the flint and stone from the floor. "Light the straw, you fool!" He pushed the tools into Yahiko's hands.

Yahiko let them fall from his fingers. He swallowed hard, looking squarely into the other man's face. "I can't and I won't."

Kazumasa put his hand on the hilt of his katana threateningly. Yahiko braced himself for a blow. But suddenly, there was a sound from the other end of the alley, coming from the mansion grounds. Shouting and scuffling.

Looking quickly out of the door, Kazumasa took the flint and stone from the ground and struck them together. The bright sparks flew, and immediately the straw began to smoke.

Kazumasa stepped into the alley. Yahiko went to follow, but Kazumasa shoved him backwards and slammed the door shut. The sound of a bolt being drawn made everything clear.

Yahiko was trapped inside.

"Katsu wanted you to know," Kazumasa voice called from outside. "that he has no regrets about your death. You failed, and this the price to pay, so take your death with honor. Remember, you are samurai."

"Wait!" Yahiko crawled to the door as the smoke began to fill the room in earnest now. Flames grew from the straw, licking the air with their orange tongues. "Wait! Kazumasa!" He pulled at the door, but he knew it was useless.

Panic tightened his chest as he turned to face the fire, the smoke making him cough harshly. With each passing moment, the fire grew higher and hotter. The flames began hugging the sides of the room, touching the ceiling.

Yahiko pressed himself against the door and desperately began banging it with his fists, fear overtaking him. "Help!" he croaked as he pounded. "Help me, somebody! Help!"

But the roar of the fire soon drowned out the sound of his cries, and he coughed even harder now. He could hardly breathe.

Laying on his stomach, Yahiko pressed his face against the bottom of the door, trying to breathe whatever air he could from the outside. Tears spilled quietly out of his eyes as the heat surrounding him became painful to his skin.

There would be no escape for him. Kenshin was too late.

Scattered thoughts flitted through his mind as he lay there. Training with Kaoru at the dojo…defending Tsubame in the alleyway…working at the Akobeko…Kenshin's approving smile…

He would never get a chance to tell them how sorry he was, how so very sorry he was.

_I'm going to die…without being forgiven._

i-i-i

Kenshin could hear the shouting long before they arrived to their destination. As he and Sano came skidding to a stop in front of the large house, it was a picture of confusion. Men in police uniforms ran frantically around the vicinity. Some ran across the mansion grounds, as if looking for something. Most were busy trying to keep frightened civilians back from the house that was on fire across the street from the mansion, yelling at them to keep calm.

"Sano," Kenshin said evenly, not taking his eyes from the fire-lit house in front of him. "Go get Uramura-dono."

"Uh…yeah."

Kenshin watched Sano's white form dash down the street the way they came for a moment, his red headband fluttering behind him, hoping that Uramura would hurry.

The storm began to break loose as Kenshin ran towards the mansion grounds, trying to get one of the policemen's attention while blinking away the rain that began to pelt his face.

"Excuse me," he called to a man in uniform running past him. The man stopped, obviously irritated at being bothered. "What happened?"

"That same assassin that attacked the ambassador the other night is here," the policeman said, turning to leave. "And his comrades set fire to that house over there to distract us."

_The assassin_?

"Wait," Kenshin said, hurrying towards the retreating policeman. "Have you caught this assassin? Where is he?"

"Oh yes, we caught him." The policeman gestured over towards the grounds. "He didn't even get into the house."

Kenshin looked towards the mansion yard. Three policemen stood over something that lay on the ground. Running towards them, Kenshin held his breath. It had to be-

"Yahi-" The name died on his lips when he saw who it was. A young man lay on the ground with his hands and feet bound, a perpetual leer on his face.

The young man looked up at him, the leer gathering into a mocking grin. "You're the rurouni, aren't you?" he sneered bitterly. "Yahiko's idol."

Kenshin knelt down beside the young man, his heart pounding. "You know Yahiko? Where is he?"

The young man let out a sharp laugh as he looked meaningfully towards the burning house, the fire hissing and spluttering as the rain began to fall in earnest.

Kenshin stood up slowly, the breath caught in his throat as he stared at the charred house. The fire had been burning viciously just a moment ago…there was no way he could have survived it…

Stumbling towards the house, Kenshin was in a daze, his breath coming in short gasps.

"Yahiko…" he breathed, tears choking his speech. "Yahiko…"

i-i-i

_**Author's note: **_

_**sigh I love cliff hangers…**_

_**This was a fun part to write. I like suspenseful, dramatic moments. They're so cool. **_

_**I also had a lot of fun writing Kenshin's and Kaoru's moment together. They needed to laugh, and I was tired of everyone crying all the time. **_

_**The story is almost finished. Maybe two more posts left. Maybe just one. I don't know yet.**_


	13. Chapter 13

Kenshin's steps slowed as he neared the house. The fire was smoldering in the downpour, and sickly smoke rose from the charred remains. The door was bolted from the outside, trapping whomever had been inside of that burning house.

His hand hovered over door as he braced himself for whatever he might see. He honestly didn't know what he would do if he opened it to find…

Taking a deep breath, Kenshin yanked the bolt to the side and pushed the door open, which was hot to the touch. Smoke poured out of the room, and he stepped back for a moment, covering his hand with his mouth, his eyes stinging.

As the smoke billowed out, Kenshin blinked in the haze. Squinting into the darkness, he cautiously lifted his foot to step inside. He froze as his leg bumped against something in the doorway.

A limp figure lay there, blackened by the smoke. Kneeling slowly, Kenshin hardly dared to breathe. Carefully, he turned the body over.

Yahiko's face was sooty and black, his face slack. His clothes were singed, hot to the touch. But it was still possible…

_Please. Please…_

Kenshin put his fingers to Yahiko's neck, feeling desperately for a pulse.

He let out his breath. There, beating weakly against his fingers. A sign of life.

i-i-i

The pain.

When would he be rid of pain?

It clawed at him raggedly, making it difficult to breathe. Never ending, shooting across his body. His skin felt like it was on fire-

The fire.

The fire, burning the house. Burning, roaring behind him, about to consume him…

_What happened?_

A sort of panic gripped him, making him gasp for breath as he struggled to open his eyes, to see where he was, how he got there-

A hand lightly touched his arm. "It's alright, Yahiko. Try not to move."

Kaoru's voice, gentle and reassuring, startled him. Yahiko opened his eyes slowly, fighting against the heaviness that weighed on his eyelids.

Kaoru looked down at him, concern written on her face. Yahiko blinked, unsure of what he saw.

His face was pressing against a pillow as he lay on his stomach. The smell of medicines stung his nose. He was at Megumi's clinic.

How was it possible?

Yahiko's throat burned and stung as he opened his mouth, wanting to speak. But no sound came out.

"Don't try to talk," Kaoru said quickly. She smiled at him softly. "You have been through much Just rest."

Yahiko could not help but stare at the gash that slashed across her temple. He had done that, with his own hands. It was a blemish on her face, something that would probably scar, always a reminder of what he had done.

And what of the other matter…the child he had killed…Kenshin's scorn…

Tears welled up in his eyes and he allowed them to fall, dampening the pillow that he lay on. Kaoru watched him cry, her own eyes sad and moist.

He opened his mouth again, dry as it was, only to form two words.

"I'm sorry."

There was a sound of the door opening behind Kaoru. Kenshin walked in quietly, standing behind his wife, his gaze on Yahiko.

Yahiko's shoulders shook painfully as he openly wept, unable to speak, unable to meet Kenshin's eyes. He could only form the words with his parched lips, over and over again.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…"

i-i-i

Kenshin could feel his heart crumbling as he watched Yahiko weep. He said nothing for a long while, placing his hand lightly on Kaoru's shoulder. She put her fingers over his, squeezing them gently. They were both silent for a several moments as the sounds of Yahiko's sorrow filled the room.

Taking a shaky breath, Kenshin looked down at his wife. She met his gaze, speaking to him with her blue eyes. _It's time._

Time to forgive.

Kenshin traced the strict patterns of the mats on the floor as Yahiko's sobs were reduced to a soft whimper. Taking his hand from Kaoru, he stepped towards the cot and knelt beside it. Yahiko's eyes, swollen and red, met his, pleading.

Kenshin closed his eyes for a brief moment, gathering himself. _This has to end._

"Yahiko," he said quietly. "I'm glad that you're alive." He paused. "I…I don't know what I would have done…if…I had lost you." He let the words hit him, swallowing back the sudden choke of tears in his throat. "You…you are one of the closest things I have ever had to a son. And I would have hated myself…if you had died believing…anything otherwise."

He stopped to wipe the tears on his cheeks with the heels of his hands, struggling to stay composed. He met Yahiko's gaze squarely and honestly. "It will take time for me to heal, Yahiko. And for Kaoru, and for you as well. It's going to be a long journey…but it begins here. Now." He leaned forward, staring intently into Yahiko's eyes. "You are forgiven."

i-i-i

Yahiko could hardly believe what he was hearing. Emotions roiled inside of him, so many that the tears simply continued to fall silently down his scalded cheeks. Relief, elation, gratitude…guilt. Guilt still twisted his gut, nagging him. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve Kenshin's forgiveness, or Kaoru's. After all he had done…

And yet…as he looked into Kenshin's eyes, he could see…the rurouni understood. He understood that Yahiko wasn't worthy of this. And that was what made the forgiveness so true.

_One of the closest things to having a son…_

Words of unconditional love.

"Thank you." Yahiko's voice came out in an ugly rasp, more tears spilling. "Thank you."

He could not help the tiny smile that tugged at his mouth, despite everything. Kenshin had forgiven him. He was loved. All was not lost.

i-i-i

Koaru paused in her trek to the kitchen, her arms full with the basket of onions in her arms. The stink of them made her eyes water and her nose tingle, as she turned her head to watch her husband doing the laundry. His face seemed distant as he lifted his arms to hang a clean sheet from the wash line, straightening the wrinkles from the fabric expertly.

A grin stealing her face, she took an onion from the basket and threw it at him.

"Oro?" he yelped, startled as the onion hit the back of his head.

She laughed as she came down the platform steps. "Where on earth is your mind this morning?" she asked jokingly, setting the basket down to retrieve the vegetable. "I thought for sure that you'd catch that one. I tossed it at you for goodness' sake."

"If you wanted to know what I was thinking, you could have asked, that you could have." He reached up and rubbed the back of his head, smiling.

"Alright," she said, setting her hands on her hips, still teasing. "What were you thinking?"

Kenshin's expression became solemn as he looked towards Yahiko's bedroom. "It's been nearly two weeks," he murmured.

"Megumi says that he is recovering well." Kaoru picked up her basket once more. "As are you."

Kenshin blinked, startled. "Me?" he echoed.

She smiled softly at him. "You know what I mean."

He nodded, stepping closer to her. "Yes, I do."

They were quiet for a moment.

"Well," she sighed, looking down at her burden. "To the kitchen I go." She turned to walk away, but Kenshin's hand on her elbow stopped her.

"Wait."

She turned to him, her eyebrows lifted. She was surprised by the sudden twinkle of mischief in his eyes.

"Remember…the night before our anniversary? You asked me if I was hiding something, and I told you that you had to wait."

"Yes," she said slowly, drawing the word out.

He glanced at her slyly, taking the basket from her arms. "I think you've waited long enough."

Mystified, she allowed him to turn her around so that her back was to him. Putting one hand over her eyes, he took her arm and slowly began to guide her, making sure she stepped carefully.

"Kenshin, what are you doing?"

His voice was tinged with teasing. "Don't even think about peaking."

She pretended to huff impatiently. "I need to make dinner, you know."

"Dinner can wait."

She felt her nose bump into his palm. "Now stop," he said. He lifted his hand from her eyes.

Kaoru couldn't help the small gasp that escaped her mouth. They stood behind the bathing house. On the ground was a small wooden _izumi_. Quilted padding lined its interior, made from what Kaoru recognized as faded material from her old kimonos. It was simply carved, with a large headboard at one end.

She felt silly at the tears that swam in her eyes. She looked at Kenshin, who watched her expectantly, his face softened at the sight of her tears.

"It's perfect," she whispered, reaching out to take his hand.

He rubbed his thumb over her knuckles, stepping close to her. "I…I wanted to wait to give you this," he said quietly. "I didn't know if…"

She stopped him as she put her hand on his scarred cheek. "There is a future, Kenshin," she said. "Just waiting for us."

"And who knows what it will bring?" He leaned against her fingers, looking pensive.

She let herself smile once more, letting it fill her whole face. "Love." She nodded towards the cradle. "Family." She looked knowingly towards the dojo. "Forgiveness."

He laughed softly, cupping her chin in his hand. "What I have always wanted."

Then he tipped his face towards hers, kissing her gently.

i-i-i

As the warmth of her kiss touched his lips, his heart glowed within him.

_This. This is truly the beginning of healing. _

_i-i-i_

**Author's Note: **

**I beg your apologies! I have been very bad, and haven't posted in…what? Two months? I am deeply sorry for all of those who didn't like the cliffhanger. **

**Those endings are so darn hard to write! Sheesh! And I hope I didn't disappoint too much. **

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing! I have truly enjoyed writing this story, and reading every review that came in. You guys rock!**


	14. Epilogue

Epilogue

Yahiko lay on his futon, staring at the ceiling, unblinking. He had lain here long like this for the past two weeks, allowing his body to heal. And his spirit.

He had much to think about as he healed, quietly, slowly, and alone. At first, fever and the withdrawal from alcohol had so consumed him, he had lived in a daze for nearly nine torturous days, struggling to hang on to reality as he shook and vomited, with Megumi always helping him patiently, speaking words of comfort and encouragement.

But then his body had finally settled, going into a steady rhythm of healing. His thoughts were often towards what his future could possibly be. He would not have the strength to wander again any time soon, and he didn't feel that that would be the right thing to do. There was still much conversation, much healing to go on between himself and Kenshin. To go and wander would be cowardly, and would only serve as a further breach in their relationship.

He let out a long breath, wincing at the fresh ache that rose from his wounded shoulder. No, he wouldn't be going anywhere any time soon.

There was a soft timid knock on his door. Too quiet for Kenshin, and Kaoru…well, she never knocked.

"Come in," he called, puzzled.

The door slid open slightly. "Yahiko-kun?"

"Tsubame!" Yahiko began to heft himself up on his elbows as she came in, but the pain was too great, making him suddenly dizzy. Swallowing his pride, he contented himself on lying still, raising his hand slightly in greeting.

He had seen her only briefly that night when he had come to the Akabeko, looking for help, and he had been stunned then by how pretty she was. Now, in the afternoon light shining from his window, his breath caught in his throat at the sight of her, making a blush creep up his cheeks as she sat beside him, tucking her legs underneath her kimono.

"Kaoru-san said that you were awake…or if you weren't that you should be." She smiled at him, making her dark eyes sparkle.

He laughed ruefully. "Some things never change."

She was quiet, her brow thoughtful as she studied her hands clasped delicately in her lap. "I…I missed you, Yahiko," she whispered.

Yahiko hardly knew what to say. He searched his mind for something clever, something witty, or at least polite. But all he could speak was his honesty. He reached out and lightly put his hand over her folded ones.

"I missed you, too," he whispered back.

He dared to look up, to try and catch her gaze. She met his eyes boldly, surprising him with her lack of wariness. She took his hand over hers into her own, gripping it tightly.

"Promise me," she said, searching his face. "Promise me…you won't leave me again?"

Yahiko stared at her for a moment, again at a loss for words. Then, his mouth breaking into a grin, he squeezed her fingers. "I promise."

As she smiled back, light laughter bubbling from her lips, Yahiko suddenly knew exactly what his future held in store for him.

And he couldn't ask for anything more.


End file.
